the one with my last in NTU

ran the big round in NTU today. looking back, i really enjoyed running for the past 3 years. though sometimes, i had the wrong reasons to go for a run. but ultimately, it has been fun. i am beginning to regain my fitness but i wonder if there is anywhere near my new house which allows me to run. it's roads and traffic lights everywhere. unlike ntu, where i can just run without my specs and the feeling is so carefree. today's run wasn't that great. i still failed to go under 26 mins, missing by 20 seconds. that's why i will come back to NTU in time to come to slash that 20 seconds off. however this takes more training and i still hope to do that after i graduate.

it will be my last day mugging when i wake up. and my student life will come to an end after my last paper tomorrow. i guess i will be emo once again. but hope it won't last. cos there are so many things to look forward to!

looking back, how has NTU nurtured me over the years? i guess it is never about the education that i received. it is the communication classes which i find most valuable. as well as my participation in hall activities and the internship i had with AMEX. books can only teach u this much, the rest is up to you.

the one with the running

running seems to be another avenue where i can hide and clear my thoughts. it feels good to go faster and faster each day. though i am regaining back my fitness, it's too far away for me to regain back what i used to have in year 1. it was amazing. but i guess, in year 1, i ran more to clear and sort out my thoughts. as time passed, i felt happier and think of things less, resulting in less runs around the school. now i am back at it and i wonder why. really felt great to run against the wind, to let go of stuff and simply run with one aim in mind: the finish line.

i dunno if i should feel this way. i appreciate others. but do others appreciate too?

some things are better left unsaid

the one with random

kinda sick and tired of the life i am boing through now. everything seems so damn routine. wake up, lunch, stuck in reading room to study for the rest of the day, break here break there, run, back to books, and here i am back in my room doing random stuff like blogging, gaming, videoing. another 8 more days before all this ends and i seriously can't wait for the last paper.

i think i put on a fake front. emotions cooped up inside, dying to get out but i just keep pressing them back in. and crack jokes, smile most of the time to mask. but this is what i chose. not to share. to hide. but when i wish to talk, i can just blatter things out.

there are always some things that you might lose to others, but there are always other aspects that you will have an edge over others. there is no need for comparison. to each his own.

the one with random

why does it always rain on me?

fuck up

emo

why

the one with the show goal!

i actually cried at the end watching this show. i think i am too emotional sometimes. if you believe you can do it one day, you can. and you will. i have seen too many shows where parents disagree with what dream you want to pursue, giving you negative vibes and how impossible is your dream. you would hate them for destroying that tiny hope you have. but in the end, when you finally do make it. it is them who feel proud. the one who stand behind you no matter what happens. that is the truth. no matter how they scold or belittle you, they do have your interests at heart. and ultimately, they are the ones who feel happy deep in their heart. it is what this show is about. and i truely enjoyed it.

counting my blessings. i should be grateful for alot of things. for the things that i have, and the people around me. thanks.

the one with feelings

i just want to be happy. have more control in my feelings. just feel abit tough to let out my feelings. i noe there is no point feeling pissed, feeling frustrated or whatever. i noe i dun benefit from anything like this. but it can be quite hard sometime. i guess it is just a test again. i should try again to see things in a different light. think i should watch the secret once again.

sometimes, i wish for an avenue where there is no consequences for the things that i want to let out.

i believe there is a limit to everything.

punching bag.

the one with the concept of money

i think i placed little value in money. for people who know me, you should know what i mean. i have my own principles with regards to money. people say i spend money like water, but i only do when i think that it is for the right purposes. i think money is there to be spent. it is true that one have to save, but while u save, there isn't any reason for you to keep saving and not spending what you deserve. people might think i am stupid for not taking a personal banker job, where the monetary rewards are limitedless, compared to the one i am taking. i still stand by my belief that i work to learn, establishing my clientale, and slowly work from them. it is also true that both jobs allow me to learn, but one provide more monetary benefits. i have my own dream to pursue and i think the job i have is where my calling is. it seems all so right in place for what i want to achieve in the future. but no doubt i want to earn as much as possible, to accomplish my motto of "to not let money be a problem in everything i do". but i still believe that i need a life after work as well. no point struggling for so long and not enjoying yourself.

i think i talk too much, and about myself too. should be the listener sometime.

i want to bring my parents to travel, i want to spend more time with my loved ones, i want to give back.

the one with me

what kind of person i am? think this is a stupid entry but i am just gonna write it anyway. i think i've learnt to speak up. speak up to things that i feel is wrong. speak up when i know that i am not in the wrong. speak up when i feel there isn't a need to be afraid to do so. speak up to express my feelings for issues. but sometimes, i just feel that speaking up is not good enough. think actions speak louder than words. but there seems to be always restrictions or certain rules that one have to follow. in the end, issues are unsolved.

i think i judge people too early. before i even get to know them, i would have bad impression and this negatively impact my opinion on the person. i know i shouldn't do that. cos some people are really nice. better change my way of thought.

i still believe in the law of attraction. listening to music has really calmed my nerves most of the time.

the one with the harsh reality

went to pay respects to my grandpa today, for the 3 consecutive years, i went from school due to my upcoming exams. when we reached, dad lost his way and we took some time to find. it was my intuition which got us to the correct way. and when we saw a bunch of people whom my mum tot were the rest of my relatives, instinct told me that it wasn't and i exactly knew where to go to find my grandpa's grave. although i was only 3 months old when grandpa passed away, i knew him through photos and stories passed down. this year was exceptionally special because all were present except my bro(who just got married and didn't come due to my mum's supersitious beliefs), my cousin who went overseas for studies and my aunt who was taking care of a sick baby at the hospital. as we talked, i felt a tinge of sadness that my grandpa couldn't join us. all i could do was to hope that somewhere out there, he was able to see that his kids and grandkids are doing fine. i still feel like crying whenever i think of that.

sometimes, when we are in pursuit of our dreams, be it money or career, we seem to be forgeting the one thing that matters the most. family ties. to me, family is everything. i came to learn of it only now, after significant changes to my life in the previous month. i learnt to be grateful for once. for things that i had always taken for granted. but sometimes, i feel i might be looking things too deeply. should just take a step back and be too emotional. i have learnt to slow down and look at things postitively. however, a reality check that those pursuit for tangible items are still a harsh fact of life. it is inevitable to pursue all these, but i hope that i am able to enjoy what i am doing and appreciate the things around me.

i am going crazy.

the one with the random

i guess there is no point worrying about such stuff. it would only bring down my mood which i do not want to. i want to feel happy and good and stick to the law of attraction. as the secret said, there are always times when it makes you feel down and out, and if you let such emotions control you, you are likely to be attracted to bad things. i tried always to control all my different emotions by emersing myself in the music. now i am questioning myself on whether do i really feel good or as what others said, avoiding it. but i do noe that there is nothing wrong at all. it is just that this is something new to me in my final year of study. i always stick to the same group and i feel that this is something that a uni life should have, mixing around with people. it boils down to me not joining the camp from the start, one of my regrets. if that is what others want to think, so be it. i can't stop them from doing so and it goes both way, they can't stop me from my opinions of them. i guess i had a slight taste of my own medicine and it is a tad bitter.

i guess i am just not those smart people around who excels in their studies or scored above average. i am just your average joe in studies. for my exams, i realised my efforts are really bare minimal. partly because of a secured job, but i also want to enjoy the last few moments of my school life. i always give myself excuses that i won't flunked too badly for the exams so i didn't really put in much effort as compared to previous ones. but now i kinda feared for any glitches that might just pop out. so i am bucking up a little, just to give myself a final push to the finish line. but i strongly believed in the process than the results.

i miss home. i miss my gf.

give me something to punch at. dun give a flying fuck. let the music heal your soul.

the one with the presentations and random

went through the last presentation in my schooling life. it was a total crappy one. tutor had no time management at all. each group were given 20 mins for the presentation and the first two groups simply took up more than 35mins each. but the tutor didn't prompt them to finish. however, when it was my group's turn, we were prompt to rush at the 15min mark. she has no time management at all, paying so much attention to the first two teams and simply neglecting the work of the last two. is this fair? i don't think so. i questioned her capability as a tutor, and also others from ntu biz school. it is unfair for the last 2 groups. but it is life. it is the world. however, i was pretty impressed by one of the group. i dare say that it is one of the best presentation i had listened to in ntu. it had a very clear framework and points were clearly explained to us.

on a emotional rollercoaster. i do not wish to be sad, that's why i always thought of happy things when i do. or do things that makes me happy. but after that, something pops up and i feel down again. but i do make the effort to feel happy again. hope i can sustain it.

i realised that some people do things to please others. i do not wish to do that. it might be due to peer pressure, face issues. but in the end, what matters is whether you are doing things that you like and enjoy doing. there isn't any point in doing things just for the sake of doing and you do not reap any joy from it. but in the end, you feel forced to do certain things.

the one with catching up

i haven been catching up with all my friends. i believed that everyone has a group of friends that they would hang around with at different phases of life. i had my primary school friends, secondary school friends, jc friends, army(be it ocs, training courses, unit), tutorial mates in class. but once i move on to another phase of your life, i seldom keep in contact with them. although there are the "once in a blue moon" meet up session where we will start to chat everything under the sun, it is still not proving to be enough to gel us up like we used to be. when we see each other in the streets, there might be awkward silences. i don't know if i am the only one experiencing that. but it is kinda sad. my army friends for example, are a group that i hang around so close with during that particular phase. but it's all seem so different after moving on. sometimes, i wish to recapture those moments.

it is true that people gets busy and has left time for such social outings. i think it is based on one's efforts to meet up with them whenever possible and maintain these relationships. it is something that i cherish very much. and i hope i can make the extra effort to do so.

it's meet up time after my exams!

the one with the old house memories, i will always remember

a sudden thought of my old house this afternoon, and memories just kept flooding into my head once again. i will always remember how i played soccer with my brother every now and then when we were in our teens. how we played at home and would arrange the furniture to prevent hitting stuff and getting scolded by my mum. i will always remember how we played wrestling and used the ladder and chairs and props. i will always remember the bedrooms where we slept, studied and played. i will always remember the occasions when people gathered at my house for CNY or any other occasions. i will always remember the times i had there. there are just too memories to describe. it is also painful to remember all this. but it has been a wonderful time for my family, place where we gone through thick and thin. though i know that it has already been grounded to ashes, every inch and piece of it will always be in my heart for the rest of my life. i do not wish to forget.

i wish for the exams to end, but i do not wish for my schooling life to end. irony.

the one with the uni days, remember the times

coming to an end of my 3 years hall life. i will leave this place with 3 fun filled years of memories. it is where i forged great friendships, met my gf, took up leadership positions, interact with all people from all walks of life. it's time for me to move on soon, just like another phase of my life. things come and go and i have learnt to take it in my stride, though it might take more time for each phase. i would be sad for quite some time but i realised that it is another exciting phase that has passed by and i should learn to cherish it.

i will always remember how i first came into NTU as a freshie who doesn't know anything, even doesn't know wat is edventure and stuff. going through the camp has helped me to settle in fast to university life and i have never regret joining the camp.

i will also remember the countless hall activities, be it MAF, CNY, Hall suppers, Hall Olympiads, Soccer games. i love the gathering of people, doing nothing but just talk and joke around. it helps to forge many friendships.

i will always remember the 2 FOCs, where i met wonderful people, achieved great satisfaction from organising activities, cultivated my patience and built my strength in communicating with people.

i will always remember the runs i had around the school, the training i gotten which saw me through the marathon.

i will always remember the endless exams, countless projects, numerous tutorials, umpteen lectures that i had gone through. though it might seems totally useless at times, it is the people that i have met that made these classes more interesting.

i will always remember the times i had watching late night soccer matches with my hall kakis. without you guys, the matches wouldn't be exciting.

i will always remember the dota games we had. be it winning or losing, it has been an enjoyable 3 years with you guys.

i will always remember the mahjong sessions that i have with my hall kakis. the mahjong table is where we talk about everything under the sun, be it gossip or rumours, the laughter that we shared, i will always remember. we have become the famous mahjong room where everyone knows that we played mahjong in the afternoon!

but all good things have to come to an end. at the end of it, there are some things that i do regret, but i hope that in the future, i will go ahead and chase my dream.