the one with the running

i hope by running, i can forget my troubles, or perhaps just get things off my mind at the moment. uncertainties arise again and i dunno why should i be having such thoughts now. running makes me tired, makes me sleepy, makes me forget. can i just stop harbouring such unwanted thoughts? my heart bleeds and hurt alot whenever i think of that. i can't talk to anyone regarding this so please dun ask me what is it. thanks.

the one with the unchanged me

i still can't believe that i can't change my attitude. after all those things that i have went through, i thought i could be better but the answer is obviously no. but is it all my fault? if it is, i will put myself responsible for everything. i will try to do things to appease. why does this happen to everyone i know? even ken told me he would be angry and pissed off if such things happen. do we have to be the one to 低声下气 and bring down our pride? we are guys for god's sake. i am just not thinking straight at this moment once again. it's like a flashback of what has been going on last time. and i truely hate the feeling. it's nobody's fault i can say but such things just have to happen. hope that all will boil over soon and things will be ok. but come to think of it, how to make things better when i am not even doing anything at all? i guess i still have much much much more to learn and change. or i can't change at all?

came home today to bring stuff back to hall. will be cooping myself back in hall until the exams are over. gonna miss home. but hope efforts pay off so i wun da bao any subjects. the thought of da baoing creeps me out.

i still can't change my attitude. that's sucks. sorry.

thought my entries gonna be cheerful since last posting. but no. lol.

the one with the updates

less than 10 days before the start of the first paper. beginning to really feel the stress of being a student once again. promised myself not to slack around after all this is over. be a good boy next sem but i know i simply proscrastinate to much. hopefully all this will change in the future. really regretted slacking too much this sem. realised i seldom complain now on the blog. able to relate myself better nowadays. the nut is still being cracked sometimes. maybe i will write more happy stuff in the future instead of the demoralising thoughts that i used to have.

missed the opportunity to participate in this year's marathon. didn't sign up on time and it getting a bit to ex for a run. but i promised myself i will take part next year. it's a personal challenge.

only another prob that i have to face. the cruelty for spelling out the truth when the time comes. it will be very bad i foresee but i gotta tell sooner or later. i feel like shit actually. but i am happy now. having to face the questions and everything on my birthday. i know it's going to be awkward. still trying to figure out how to break the news. i am going to be number one on the hated list.

might not be blogging anytime soon.

the one with i don't even know how to control my thoughts anymore

i just want to knock myself hard in the head sometimes so that i could stop my thinking. just for that moment. or to sleep for a long period of time just to clear my mind, even it's gonna be a nightmare that i am going to have if i sleep.

the one with my name

my surname is pronounced as ding with the d sound, not ting with the t sound. and my chinese character is 陈, not 丁. i know alot of my friends don't know about this, so do me a favour by spreading the message around. gets irritating sometimes when i am called ting, feels insulted. but still feel free to make fun of my name. i am ok with all those nicknames. really. :)

the one with the first time

first time i watch a musical. first time i went to esplanade theatre. watched peter pan last night. was overwhelmed by the spectacular performance put up by the perfoming artistes. most of them are young kids. but they are so talented, putting up a good show overall.

home sweet home today. realised that most hall people are staying in hall till exams are over. i can't do that. the most i will go back home every fortnight. at least must have dinner with them no matter what. guess i am more of a family man. haha. miss home sometimes.

realised some of my friends aren't able to make it for my birthday party due to them having their last paper on the 25th. now i am torn between setting the date on either the 23rd or 24th. hope that most of them can make it no matter what. i promise myself i gonna meet up with my friends after exams. it's time to catch up le.

i think money is always a sensitive issue.

the one where i can't think anymore

friends said i am too rush le. it happen so fast in less than a month. jiaokias were shocked. heard them say it's weird. it really makes me feel bad. i am a bad and evil guy in their eyes. i don't know how to face them in the future. i am mindful of their opinions and what others think of me. i didn't want them to think like that. why? i know it's unfair to think and feel that way. why must i keep thinking about all these things? i just wish to stop thinking. i feel damn low now. why? why? why? ARGH!!!!!!! i hope my friends wold support my decision and stand by me instead of criticising what i do. sighs.

the one with the lyrics: greenday, time of your life

greenday, time of your life

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

chorusX3

i hope all of my friends would have the time of their life...

the one with the wishlist

1) apple ipod mini 4gb
2) seiko kinetic arctura ska 201
3) oakley half wire shades(provided i wear contact lenses)
4) nokia 8800
5) hewlett packard ipaq
6) nike streetwear sneakers
7) levis jeans
8) more t shirts and berms!!!!

seems i am too damn brand conscious and materialistic. some are way too expensive le. i do not print money.

the one with timing

waited for people this very morning to go for tutorial. supposed to meet at 8 but in the end they came at 815. what i am disappointed is the lack of urgency even after they are late. taking their own sweet time to walk to lesson. is it this school or the people nowadays who doesn't care about the value of time? i have gone through too many meetings where the time stated to meet is never met. and worse still, some dragged for at least an hour before the meeting start. in army lingo, there used to be this saying, "wait to rush, rush to wait". we would always complain back then. but come to think of it, we still make it on time and timing is met. that's why i hate to be late. because then i will be contradicting myself and going against my own principle.

i don't know whether i am doing the right thing now. i don't wish to start on the wrong note again.

the one with the opinions

why do i care so much about other people's opinions? they are not always right. I am just unsure of myself at times and easily swayed by them. I guess i am more of a friends-orientated kind of person. I think this is why i didn't get onto a goodstart the previous time and make her life so miserable. really feel that i have ruined 4years of her life

is it that hard to voice out one's opinion? this seems contradicting to what i mentioned earlier. however, it really gets on my nerves whenever my mum keeps repeating and nagging about family's stuff. why doesn't she just confront them and tell them directly that they are the worst bunch of people in the world and to stop being such pushovers? i know it's hard because money's always a sensitive issue.

the one with the unspoken inner voice

too many things going through once again but always it seems very hard to get it out of my inner voice. pretty much want to do alot of things but i am just afraid of other people's opinion. I know i shouldn't let others affect my decision. it's not easy to just do the things i want to do and not taking into regard what the rest are thinking. sometimes i wish i could be more daring and just blast everything out. but i noe the effects are going to be detrimental. maybe it will always be like that unless someone is so patient with me to be really willing to hear my inner voice(if i allow).

quiz and marketing project finally over. a sense of relief. but people told me my expectation is pretty low and i have like no aspirations. i just don't expect much since i have no confidence in something. i have a "since it's over, no point brooding over it" attitude towards such stuff.

i just want to be happy and let others be happy. is it so hard?

the one with the home sweet home

finally went home since last last sunday. the convenience of opening the fridge to grab a bite or just something cooling to drink is so shiok. nice to be back but with the impending presentation and quiz coming up on monday, there isn't much time for me to enjoy also. mum keep feeding me with the good food at home. must run next week le. lost the zest to study, lost the zest to do anything else. just want to enjoy myself and be happy. missed the jiaokias outing today to study. sad right? but i noe there are more chances in the future. must treat myself next week le.

it's getting harder to guess what people are thinking. i think it's hard because i don't even know what i am thinking most of the time, let alone guessing others. but sometimes, i just wish i knew. too many questions in mind that i don't have the courage to ask and find out. don't know what is going on now.

time is always not enough. but i always complain and do nothing about it. i guess i will never change in the end. nowadays,i just want to sleep.