untitled 3...

i am officially labelled butterfingers. poured milo over, spilled ice before. today cracked the half boiled egg into half and spilled on the table and also on my berms. damn it. have to go back to change. am i being cursed by hall 14 canteen? argh.

i was late 15 mins today for tutorial today. first time late for sch. i hate it when people are late but i myself was late also. why this happen? although the bus came late, it wasn't a good excuse for myself though. got my own principles to follow. was pretty angry with myself. i gonna be early the next time. i swear.

the corrs, what can i do

the corrs, what can i do

I haven't slept at all in days
It's been so long since we've talked
And I have been here many times
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

There's only so much I can take
And I just got to let it go
And who knows I might feel better, yeah
If I don't try and I don't hope

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

No more waiting, no more, aching...
No more fighting, no more, trying...

Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm
Because the power is not mine
I'm just going to let it fly

chorus

untitled 2.

does protecting your kids from the harsh reality of life better or exposing them to it and making them learn from their mistakes? maybe what i have said in reference to what i have gone through is a tat too exaggerating. but i would prefer the latter. how am i supposed to learn from my mistakes if i am not given the choice to even try?

is it so hard to trust your own child? even other parents are much more liberating and trusting. don't know how long i can carry on facing them. it's getting harder and harder.

interpersonal communication is a tough thing to handle. i experienced it way too much during this weekend. something that have to be said wasn't said. something that need to be done wasn't done at all and things keep dragging.

i think people should stay away from me these few days. i get pissed off too easily. don't even know what is going on in my head as well.

enough of ranting. on a happier note, i survived this weekend! glad to have such friends around. thank you all! looking forward to my own birthday party.

argh!!!!!

just feel a need to blog. i am going crazy. is the gap between generations getting bigger? how many times do i have to explain to make things clearer? i get angry and pissed easily nowadays. maybe i am just too hot tempered recently. just a few words would just spark me off. i am not usually like that. just that too many things are going on these couple of days. especially last night.

i am going to go crazy soon. everytime such things happen and it appears to be my fault. it's just that the timing doesn't goes well. so what if she miss out the fun? is there anything that i can do to make someone feel better? the messages were ridiculous. i don't even know how to reply them anymore. it's really time to end things le. there's no point carrying on. the feeling might be still there but... i can't take it anymore....

start of a crazy weekend

now still at hall. leaving soon to start a crazy weekend. 3 consecutive birthday parties. 3 good friends. hope it gonna be enjoyable weekend. signing off.. Ding :)

...

i don't want to keep guessing what people are thinking. i am in total confusion now.

work overload

suddenly piles of work start to accumulate from my weeks of slacking. quizzes are coming up and projects waiting to be done. this wasn't what uni life supposed to be, especially in business year 1. but this is what i hear from people. that's not so true after all. need a good management of time to really put things into place and start doing them.

with this work piling up, i still joined iic sub comm, signed up for FOC chief programmer/biz mag(pending), welfare & sports sub comm. how am i able to handle all this is what i want to know in time to come. it will be very busy and i won't have much time for other things else. but i wouldn't want my uni life to be only restricted to studies only. i have been through that purely studies phase in jc and sec sch. doesn't really help me in getting good grades though. i hope it will be fun. FOC this year was fun. it will be challenging in dividing my time. we shall see if i am able to make it.

i guess i should really put an end to all this le. i shall see what goes on this weekend. i don't want to make people upset but sometimes, i am left with not much of a choice. it might be better for both.

purely complaining

i want to kill my friend le. his bdae is on this coming friday. and guess what? he invited the whole world practically, with a guest list of over a 100 and more. even acquaintances and those hi-bye friends. maybe all he wanted was to build up good relationships with his friends for his future "business" ventures. but i don't believe this is the way to do it. he even invited those friends that he had seen only once. even enlisted our help to organise the party on that day, dividing us into logistics, crowd control and operations. does he think that he is organising some huge events like army half marathon? his way of doing stuff sometimes really put us off. i hope i am speaking on behalf of the jiaokias. it's just a simple birthday celebration. and i think it's best to spend with your close friends and had a good time. i should be having mine this coming nov at some chalet. and i just hope to find back those really close friends and keep in contact with them. guest list won't be as crazy as his i hope. it will be hard to entertain everyone.

lost. totally crazy. insane.

goo goo dolls, iris

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yhea you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

proscratinate

i really proscratinate too much le. everytime when i decide on something to do, it's always not being done. excuses to escape doing that particular thing would just pop up and i would usually take the easy way out. same thing applies for my studies. progressing into week 5 and i can say i am pretty much dead. this happens in jc b4 and it cause me to screw up my As. what can i do to stop all this? it's easy to say that i should just start studying and be a good boy. so many distractions around. and after reading the text and so many lectures, i still cannot understand most of the topics. am i that stupid? i really don't know how i got into the victorian family. or perhaps i have tarnished their reputation. no use to keep telling myself to start studying. think it's really time i put my words into action. self discipline is the essence.

argh...

am i draggin it for too long? it's getting hard to continue le. sometimes i also don't understand the reason why. i hate questions that doesn't have definite answers but time and time again, i have to face them. and most of the times i am more pissed and angry instead of being happy. ken said that i have endured for too long and if he was in my shoes, he would have did wat he had done the other time. give it up. i really don't know how to handle this. it's draining my energy away... argh..

untitled.

took a ride home in my buddy's new evo 9. a bright yellow vehicle crusing down the roads. i have a sudden urge to get a car too. i envy my buddy in a materialistic kind of way. how i wish that my parents were rich too and i can get anything that i wan. that would be nice. but as what my mum would put it. "人比人气死人".

had a sudden thought when i was in the car. friends come and go in your life. they can be your best friends at a certain period of your life, being your confidante. but they can be total strangers after losing contact. i suddenly feel the need to find back those long lost friends and catch up with them. don't want to be total strangers when i see them the next time.

too much thoughts in a day le.

some people are just too over confident of themselves. is that a good or bad thing? i think i basically lack that confidence in me. that's a bad thing. too much thoughts in a day le. my brain got to rest too. enough is enough.

who can be the one that i can speak openly with? without any consequences, without any judgements being placed.a total stranger to share things with. a close friend perhaps? i don't think so. perhaps he or she will have a different opinion of me in the end once i confessed myself. that's sucks. don't want to keep things inside but i got no choice. hate the feeling.

infatuation resurfaced..

natalie imbruglia, wrong impression

natalie imbruglia, wrong impression

Calling out, calling out
Haven't you wondered
Why I'm always alone
When you're in my dreams
Calling out, calling out
Haven't you wondered
Why you're finding it hard
Just looking at me
I want you
But I want you to understand
I need you
I love you

Didn't want to leave you
With the wrong impression
Didn't want to leave you
With my last confession
(Yea) Of love
Wasn't trying to pull you
In the wrong direction
All I wanna do is try to
Make a connection
Of love (Yea Yea ooh)

slacker?

"话不投机半句多". there are some people that you can really talk to for hours and you don't have to think of what to say at the next moment. some that you find it weird even when it is for a few minutes. this is basically what the chinese idiom meant.

am i really too slack? had heard too many comments that i am a slacker and all that. i skipped a whole day of lecture today. only went to do my project. but it's a waste of time if i get nothing out of the lecture. would rather put my time to good use like doing my tutorials. but whenever i get back in hall, the bed is too alluring and there are just too many distractions. 4th week of sch almost ending and here is what i think about the subjects.

aa101-i gonna fail this god-damn subject if i still can't grasp the technique
ab102-one of the more interesting subject that i like, tutor is good too
ab103-foreign tutors, what else can i say.
ab112-projects, article analyis, i hate them

i hate it when groups meet up for projects and nothing is done. i experience it today. it's hard to work with people as someone told me before. 2hrs of talk but there is no improvement in the powerpoint slides. i think it's easier to get work done back in the army. swift and decisive. we just need to be focus on what is done. however, come to think of it, both places are crap. incessant amount of discussion,planning, presentations but nothing comes out of it. crap. how are things ever going to get done.

time to buck up ding.

wat a day

wat a day it has been... :)

savage garden, affirmation

savage garden, affirmation

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self-esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love till you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

chorus

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

chorus

mind reading

i always wanted the gift of mind reading. i hate guessing what other people are thinking. maybe it's an intrusion of privacy to some. not that i want to read minds in a screwd way but it's to understand another person better.

f.r.i.e.n.d.s

the rembrandts, i'll be there for you

So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job's a joke, you're broke
your love life's D.O.A

2-It's like you're always stuck in second gear
Oh when it hasn't been your day
Your week, your month, or even your year
I'll be there for you

1-When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Cause you're there for me, too

You're still in bed at ten and work began at eight
You've burned your breakfast
So far things are going great
Your mother warned you there'd be days like these
But she didn't tell you when the world
Has brought you down to your knees(repeat 1)

No one could ever know me
No one could ever see me
Seems you're the only one who knows
What it's like to be me
Someone to face the day with
Make it through all the rest with
Someone I'll always laugh with
Even at my worst
I'm best with you(repeat 2, 1...)

lyrics from my fav comedy. makes me laugh. relax. if life could be like them.

me

i got to change the way i do things. if not, things are gonna get worse. taking things for granted, being so ridiculously selfish. i admit i keep things to myself and think alot. i have a pretty strong subconsious mind and i can't control it at all. is it my fault then? does everything have to be said out? i just don't hurt or upset anyone. but what she said is true too. i might just one day cannot take it and break down. i just wish to stop thinking about anything for just a few moments a day. that will be good.

this blog was supposed to write down things that i think of. but whenever i get down to writing stuff, i just forget what i wanted to write. my mind went blank. or perhaps i just don't want to write it down at all. actually sometimes i hate myself for the way i do things.

i think i complain too much about little things in life also. saturday was hall alumni games. i didn't like the way things were organised. it was too slow in starting the games and games couldn't begin simultanously also. i see things in the army way though. was telling ky how easy it was to organise games back then where everything was written down and carefully planned out. however, if i am given the task to organise the games, maybe i won't be able to do a better job also. so i can't say much.

4th week of sch and i still haven't settle in yet. too much distraction, lack of self disclipline is getting the better of me. gotta change asap.

civilised society.

went for a talk last night regarding financial planning. phones rang and beeped in the middle of the talk. why can't people just take a few seconds of their time and switched their phones to silent mode? courtesy to the speaker counts. and what irritates me the most is that subsequent ringing keep going on and on even after the first one. is this what we call a civilised and courteous singapore? do we really have to keep putting up advertisements and running courtesy campaigns for singaporeans to learn?

it gets even worse when they become obstacles when moving in and out of trains. the yellow lines are clear indication of the rules. is it really that hard to keep to one side of the line? or even move to the rear of buses when it is crowded? call this a modern society. i seriously do not think so. no number of campaigns would work if it does not drill into the minds of people and they do not learn from their mistakes.

went through another 3 hour seminar today. was the "target" by the tutor today with me having a easy name to remember since she is ang moh. i don't really mind what people want to know me by. primary school friends nicknamed me teddy bear, secondary school friends know me as lit yong, junior college friends call me litty, my army comrades started calling me ding. so if any of you call me a few times before i regconise u, i am sorry k? it's up to you guys whatever you all want to know me by. i like ding though. :)

men vs women

if you have read sunday times, u would have read about the article about singapore men and women's requirements for their life partners. i don't think that one should judge by his or her job but there are so many other factors to look into. so what if his job is so glamourous but his character stinks? however, i believed it's the special feeling for each other that matter the most.

however, people are also looking for security in their life partners. we can't blame today society for the fact that women want to look for stability in their life partners. who would look for a karang guni man to spend the rest of her life? I don't blame the opposite sex for choosing a successful businessman instead. ultimately, i must stressed that it's still the special feeling that matters the most.

national day on tuesday. a grand display of singapore armd forces. seeing the armoured vehicles going at high speed along the roads really urge me to hop onto them and drive them around. reminds of my training days, commissioning parade, overseas training. a flashback. it was tough but enjoyable. talked to my armour buddy today and chatted about those days. shared the good memories. but i can't keep looking back into the past. time really flies. really need to get in the study mood. still going through that live by the day mode.

life can be so simple.

i went to watch willy wonka today. roald dahl is an amazing writer. i like the story because of the little things that it reminds us of. family is important and nothing in the world can change that fact. charlie wouldn't give up his family for the chocolate factory. the love he has for his family, his grandpa,aunt georgina, is so simple, yet heartwarming. feel like tearing during some parts of the show because it's really touching. really needed something to lighten up my spirits these days.

but something pissed me off today. i really don't understand how parents treat their children nowadays. is too much love for their children bad or good? i always want to criticise how some parents bring up their children. i just want to voice my opinions and who cares if they take my advice. i think that she is acting her way to get stuff that she wants. and her parents bought that. buying new handphone and watch for her. i detest this kind of people. might as well just end her life. if a kid like charlie could spare a thought for his parents by offering his golden ticket in exchange of money, why can't a 18 year old even think of her family first before doing things? i think she won't change at all. just hope that her parents are able to do something soon before it gets worse.

somebody

depeche mode, somebody

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She will hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and with every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear
Of those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sickIn a case like this
I'll get away with it

who is the one?

Infatuation

infatuation.

walking away

craig david, walking away

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

sometimes some people get me wrong
when it's something I've said or done
sometimes you feel there is no fun
that's why you turn and run
but now I truly realise
some people don't wanna compromise
well I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies
and well I don't wanna live my life too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights i'm sorry to say lady

chorus

Well I'm so tired baby
things you say you're driving me away
whispers in the powder room baby
don't listen to the games they play
girl I thought you'd realise
I'm not like them other guys
coz I saw them with my own eyes
you should've been more wise
and well I don't wanna live my life too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights I'm sorry to say lady

chorus

confused

what do i really want? my mind is in a total mess. this has happened before. i don't wish to make another mistake. please. someone help me. or maybe i am the only one to help myself. i hate this feeling but i simply can't stop it. it sucks. hope this will just go away.

suicide

why would she think that suicide will solve the problem? it might be able to end her misery. but haven't she spare a thought for the people around her? her family, her close friends, her friends. they are all worried about her. she thought by ending her life, everything would be solved. but no. that's definitely not the case. there are bound to be ups and downs in life. this is just a stage that she is going through. it may be tough but she just gotta face it. just hope that she will be able to go through it, grow up and stop behaving like a kid.

first presentation today at accounting. i must really overcome my fear of talking in front of a crowd. i should be able to get over it. so many practises in army last time. ridiculous that i still feel a little nervous. maybe i just need more practise.

friends

found a f.r.i.e.n.d.s comedy khaki. was my ex buddy in bmt training. couldn't believe that i could find someone as crazy as me to watch the full 10 seasons a few times over. i enjoyed the show. the laughter it brings me, the simplicity of the characters inside, the friendship and understanding they have among the six of them. it's incredible. i hope my friendship with my clique could be like them.

today wasn't that a great day at school. it was weird in fact.couldn't say much about my class. today ain't that smooth either. dunno why i feel so impatient. maybe i had enough of waiting for things to happen. maybe i had enough of waiting for people. i dun like people to be late. i actually hate that. why would people have no concept of time? especially guys that have been through army. didn't army teach us enough about the importance of timing? people would come out with lame excuses. can't one just be prepared like a few minutes early in case anything crops up? it's total crapness. just hope things would be better tomorrow. please.

first day, new start

i love marketing. actually it is the tutor that makes it even more interesting. was feeling all excited about the first day at sch. feel that it was just yesterday that i first attended school. a brand new start for me. i actually listen for my first tutorial. talked to this guy in class. first thing we talk about is army. haha. reminds me of this article in newpaper where male uni students and female uni students criticise each other about their immaturity, guys keep ranting about their army life and girls acting like "princesses". actually, it's not our fault that we reminsce about ur army life. it've been a good 2 1/2 years of our life where people say we become boys to men. actually i would say that it's the best part of my life. i learn alot through those 2 1/2 years. but there are always ups and downs in different stages of our life. i prefer to remember the good ones.

met up with my pri sch friends for a friend's 21th bdae last night. was glad that we are still meeting after nearly close to a decade. could really talk to them about anything under the sun. reminisce about our childhood days. it was so good. but now, things are changing at such a rapid rate. i need to breathe. think i gonna stay hall most of the time. home aint gonna be the same again with 2 new additions. less space, less privacy. hate my paternal side. always taking advantage. screw them. but whatever. still gotta face them anyway. jus glad that i had a good time with my frens.