do unto others as you would others do unto you

the one with the update

2009-02-26T21:52:00.002+08:00

the last time i blogged was when it was the first day of 2009. for the 1st 2 months, it has relatively been an uneventful one. not much happenings going on around me. but there are important decisions that kept bothering me every night. also, i learnt to see many things in a different light.

jobwise, i am just going through the motion every day, learning new things along the way and picking up the neccessary skills to survive in the working environment. i just couldn't decide whether to move on to another environment. keep comtemplating everyday due to my resistance to change. i am content with my current group of mates who are able to share our woes together. a new env, means a new grp of people. and i believe, the worst fear for me is uncertainty. what is going to be out there?

i am such a undecisive person. simple things like buying a new desktop took me months to consider. i believe i shouldn't bother about those worries but to just set myself to do it. few years have gone by and i am still like this. i think i require some event to trigger myself out of this comfort zone.

i am thankful for her for being there for me. i realised that i might turn out to be another person if i am left alone. i am damn disgusted by how a person can be like that, to the point that you aren't yourself anymore. it is really scary. people say "环境所逼” but i just dont feel that it is a valid reason to turn yourself into another person. i believe that even when the environment is like shit, and u are still able to work your way through the corporate ladder, and yet still keep your principles, this, i would respect.

the one with 2008

2009-01-01T22:03:00.003+08:00

another year has just passed by and i believed many would look back and reflect on how the year has been for them. yeah i do the same and i dare say this 2008 will etch deep in my memories. it was a year filled with ups and downs, changes that shaped my life, changes that make me a better person, changes that i have to learn to adapt as part and parcel of my life. many things took place in 2008 that when i look back, it all seems so fast.

1) School
it was like yesterday that i started the last semester of my school life. it seems only yesterday that we were rushing out our fyp, watching soccer with my hall friends. it was the last ride of my school life. it all came to a good end, though i managed only a 2nd lower, i was satisfied with my results for the last sem. i will always remember all the good times i shared with my friends, hall was where i met my baby, hall was where i forged great friendships with so many people, hall was where i took leadership positions and learnt so much from there. it all came to an end on 30 April 2008 where i took my last paper.

2) Weddings and New Home
Both my bros got married, on 1st March and 21st Dec. It was a joyous, yet sad occasion. Because we have been through so much together. I will always remember us playing soccer at home and at the carpark, the wrestling that we acted when we were young, the all so good times are too many and painful to describe. we have all grown up and it is time that they moved on to their next stage of their lifes. i wish them all the best. 8th March was when we moved house. It was the day where we said goodbye to 34A Mar Thoma Road, my humble house for the past 23 years. i missed it so much. it has been torn down but the memories and good times that i shared there, will always be with me.

3) Baby
i learn my lessons well. it was a horrible and sad 2 months for me. i couldn't even imagine how i went through those 2 months like that. every morning i woke up with pain in my heart, thinking why must all this happened. but i am so glad that i didn't give up. thanks baby for being there for me. let's work hard for this relationship. love u.

4) Overseas Trip
Went to Taiwan with my NTU/Jiaokias friends. It was a good trip. i wanna thank you guys for being there with me, though most didnt know what happened until the very last day. but it was the company that i enjoyed.
Also, australia trip with baby. it was an unforgettable experience. we had so much fun and i really cherish those moments with you. i wanna go on another adventure with my baby. thanks dear.
2 short trips, batam and genting. realised i really went so many places this year.

5) Work
job started on 30th June 2008, few days after i got back from australia. the work is tough, but it is challenging as well. my colleagues at bdg east are fun people. however, all changed so quickly on 10th Nov where we received news there we will be transferred out of the dept to different places. i wanted to get out so much but i have come to terms with it. i will take this time and learn as much as i can and see how things go in the future. it is still better to have a job then without one.

this year is really a special year for me. after seeing so much through the year, i believed there is nothing that is nothing that can topple me in the new year ahead. nonetheless, i will brace myself for a rough ride and face what ever that is to come. as the saying goes, tough times don't last. tough men do.

the one with work

2008-10-16T20:29:00.002+08:00

i have always heard about how cut throat the working world out there, especially in sales. i guess i am beginning to see it surfacing. i know that in sales, it is all men for himself. the survival of the fittest. however, does it have to incur other people's wrath in the midst of doing so? i still believe in the traditional thinking of sticking to my own principles. not to offend anyone in my work and to maintain healthy working relationships with my colleagues. i do not wish to become unscrupulous in the future. stealing other people's deals in order to record the highest sales and get promoted. people can mock at me for being stupid in this world today. but i still believe if i changed into that kind of character, it is not worthwhile at all. of course i do want to make lots of money. but i still want to have my own principles and to stick to it whenever possible.

times are bad with all the talk about what is happening around the financial world. it is bad. and i guess it is time to hide under a safe umbrella for now. heard something from a senior vice president today which i feel it is really true. if we can survive this recession, we can come out being a better person cos we would have seen the worst. and i believe, this will increase our market value in the future.

it is hard to talk to people with different wavelength. they think differently and it is hard to click with them. i am still not aggressive at my work. to push to sell our products as aggressively as my colleagues. it is really true on what i heard from a personal banker. today's market is not about meeting your customer needs, it is about selling them what you want them to buy to achieve your sales target. i think it is sad.

i think i am being contented..

the one with i have a dream

2008-09-23T23:07:00.002+08:00

i have a dream. a dream where my whole family can live together. my parents, my grandma, and my brothers with their family... all living in an estate. i've seen this on tv and i thought it would be so nice that we could all live under one roof. but last time, it was impossible to me. cos i know that i could never had so much money in my life to even afford such a lifestyle. but there are oppotunities out there now. it is doable. it is feasible that such dream are not just a dream anymore. it can be a reality given the right chances, the right opportunities. and of course, hard work. i heard from a person with this being his life motto: i don't want to make money a problem in anything i do in the future. it may sounds that he is super money minded. but i guess he also have a dream. something that he dream of in the future. that's why he is working so hard. from then on, i wanted the same thing. i don't want money to restrict what i wanna do. but i do know that i have to work doubly hard for it. and it often comes with a price.

let me rough it out a few years before i see where my future holds. i know i can't be just an ordinary worker who wakes up in the morning and go to work like a robot. i want to be in control. but nobody knows where the future go. and i don't want to dictate my life now. hopefully, i can find my calling.

ps: it's been months since i blogged. damn...

the one ...

2008-07-23T21:56:00.002+08:00

it's been quite sometime since i last blogged. a little bit about myself. i am into my 4th week at UOB. working ain't that easy. i believe that i will learn alot from this job, but also aware of the tough times ahead of me. i should really concentrate on it instead of having my mind drifting most of the time. i still have my goals set that i want to achieve in the next few years. i hope i can adjust quickly and get my engine started as soon as possible.

i think a picture paints a thousand words. but i also feels that songs with meaningful lyrics sometimes can make one cries. i feel alot for the lyrics of songs. it is so emotional sometimes.

周杰伦 - 彩虹

哪里有彩虹告诉我
能不能把我的愿望还给我
为什么天这么安静
所有的云都跑到我这里

有没有口罩一个给我
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑
我怎么睡得着
你的声音这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕

没有理由我也能自己走
你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开但能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

always believed in do unto others as you would others do unto you. but do others believe in that?

the one with it

2008-06-05T17:13:00.002+08:00

i guess i am not that upset as i was since last time. but please, do not keep asking me for the reason. it is between us. i have stop waking up with severe heartache, but it still does hurts every now and then. and when it comes, there is just no way i can stop it. i feel like i am adapting for the sake of it, for not wanting to destroy what is in front of me. i just hope i can get over it and take one step at a time. there might come a time when i totally do not care what she does already. but i think it will never come. it is depressing still. but i got to face the fact. i believe in doing unto others as what others would do unto you. that is definitely true and i have to learn to accept it instead of telling others to do so.

the one....

2008-05-31T12:03:00.003+08:00

i dun want to wake up every morning with pain

i dun want to have any more regrets in my life

i just want things to be simple

the one with deep abyss

2008-05-28T00:42:00.002+08:00

sinking into a deep abyss.

no meaning at all.

心如刀割.

karma.

i dun wan to form a bad habit.

i need a new source of relief. not that.

the one with love

2008-05-26T13:31:00.002+08:00

chanced about this when watching the somebody video.

Love is just a word till someone you meet gives it a meaning
Love is holding that special someone closely and realizing that it is still isn’t close enough
It is hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone if your heart still does.
The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or heard but must be felt with the heart
Because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to
It doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have
Sometimes it is hard to love someone because you are so afraid of losing them
The hardest part of dreaming about someone you love is having to let go
Some things in life are worth waiting for even if it means waiting forever
Love isn’t about finding the perfect person
It is about seeing all imperfect person perfectly
The hardest part of loving someone is knowing when to let go
And knowing when to say goodbye
It is hard to pretend to love someone when you don’t
But it is harder to pretend that you don’t love someone when you really do
The worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you
And yet you know you can’t have them
The love you can’t have last the longest feels the strongest and hurts the most
It is better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all
If you really love someone, set him free
If he doesn’t come back, you are not meant to be
If he does, he is yours to keep
Never say goodbye when you still want to try
Never give up when you feel you can still take it
Never say you no longer love a person when you can’t let go
The deeper you fall in love, the harder it is to get out
If you love someone, tell them
Because hearts are often broken with words left unspoken
Moving on is simple
It is what you leave behind that makes it so difficult
Love begins with a smile
Grows with a kiss
And ends with a tear

the one with somebody

2008-05-26T13:12:00.002+08:00

the one with the taiwan trip

2008-05-26T12:48:00.003+08:00

back from taiwan last night and i don't really know if i enjoyed it. but i do really enjoyed the company of all my friends. they were there when i needed the company. taiwan was alright i guess. i prefer the scenary and stuff. shopping isn't my priority. i think it is good to travel and see how big the world is, and appreciate their culture as well. their way of life and everything. i will definitely travel at least once every year given the time and money in the future.

it ain't easy. but i have to go through it. there are many other things around me to appreciate and live for. so many things to look forward to and i shouldn't restrict my future. but sometimes, it is really easier said than done. i can give many advices to my friends around me, helping them in their problems. but who is there to help me when i needed to give my inner thoughts.

sometimes, i don't feel that i am appreciated. i do stuff to help, to please, to be there as a friend. but do people come up to me and ask if i needed these as well? or is it that i simply shut my thoughts too tight that people don't know what i am thinking of and don't dare to ask me. i longed for an outlet. for somebody to share with. but it never really came.

how to read people's thoughts? i longed for that too. it is really mind boggling trying to guess what others are thinking. my life has been filled with regrets. be it big decisions or small ones. but they have affected and shaped my life throughout. some things are hard to decide. but i wished i could just go ahead and do it without thinking. just go for it and so what if i failed? but at least i tried going for it and had tried to find out whether i stood that chance. but time is against me. i shall try when things are right.

all and all, the trip was good. but it is sad knowing that all of us are heading our different way of life in the future. i will definitely try to make time to get together again. i hope they could spare the time and effort to do so as well. i can't emphasize how much i enjoyed their company for the trip. the laughter still lingers.

the one with impact and influence

2008-05-15T12:39:00.002+08:00

there are bound to be people who at some point of time placed an impact and influence your view of life. for me, there are many. i learnt alot from them and it has helped me shaped my way of life.

i looked up to both my brothers. they are the guiding light in my life. though i seldom talk to them about my problems, they were the ones i talked to when i needed help and advice. i look at my eldest bro who just got married. i see their relationship as something that is important in sustaining a relationship. one that will see them thru thick and thin, thru sick and old. as what the marriage vow always say. they are testament to that. yes, there are bound to be quarrels and fights but which relationship doesn't. it is all about give and take. suddenly remember joey said something about their love is about giving and sharing and receiving. that cannot be any truer in real life. i can't think of anyone else who are so made for each other than the two of them. although i never really knew their relationship, feeling tells me they are going strong.

i learnt alot from my 2nd brother as well. he gave me great advice in whatever i do. letting me go ahead in things that i feel correct and not restricting my choices. telling me to go out there to do whatever that i feel right and does not have to bother what others think cos it is my choice in the end and i have to be responsible for this chioces. his relationship with joanna is something to look up to as well. an 9 year relationship ending up in marriage soon. i don't know what is their secret behind both their relationships. but i will know one day, when i do get married and give thanks, i will definitely give my gratitude to both of them for being my companions thru the past years. they have no doubt shaped the way i see things, and influence the way i live my life.

but when i looked back at myself, why i just can't be like them?

the one with some thoughts

2008-05-12T02:40:00.003+08:00

haven been updating. let's see. i've been reading this book by anthony robbins. really helps in controlling my temper. i learnt to see things in a different perspective. though sometimes it might be self denial, but at least it helps me see things in a different light. but the progress of reading the book is so slow. proscratinate once again.

i went for an interview the other day. the feeling was different as i had secured a job already. but i realised this should be the attitude which would best show your personality. if i had prepared, i would have memorised what i wanted to say and answer the questions with my prepared speech. but i guess it is also hard. if i didnt have uob, i will be scared stiff. did i make the correct choice or am i giving excuses to justify my choice?

worked bmw corporate event on friday. give me some thoughts of what social life will i be having when i start work. and what kind of life i want in the future. i guess it is about what my bro told me: give th ebest in eerything you do and you will suceed. do not be working towards money and promotion. it will come as long as you excel in doing what you do.

trying my best to arrange to meet up with friends. but sometimes it is just hard to coordinate all. you either don''t get replies or some are too busy to meet up. it is the effort to meet up bah.

it is a small world afterall. i think all of us are related in one way or another. depends on the number of linkages between friends.

GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED!

the one with gatherings

2008-05-06T00:48:00.002+08:00

i like gatherings, but i guess i prefer small group ones. cos i think it is hard to talk to everyone in large group. you will definitely hang around with some people more. i hope that i can maintain friendships with others. it is important to me. i still think that it just takes a little effort to do so. i think i learnt from my mum in wanting to be a good host. it is good to have meet ups and gathering, among friends or relatives, cos it is the ties that matters.

haven been doing what i wanted to do after the exams. gotta start bucking up.

the one with the end

2008-05-02T00:48:00.002+08:00

it has come to an end of my school life. all good things must come to an end. it is school where i made many new friends whom i still keep in contact till today. it is school which has taught me invaluable lessons. it is school which has given me the chance to learn many skills. but i have to move on to the next phase of my life. the corporate school. i foresee a tougher future. more friends, more skills, more opportunities. but i believe i am adequately equipped to face the challenge out there.

things are gonna be a bit different. it has been 3 years of hall and now, i will always be at home.

justice is done. to hell to those assholes. dun mess with us.

the one with my last in NTU

2008-04-29T03:15:00.003+08:00

ran the big round in NTU today. looking back, i really enjoyed running for the past 3 years. though sometimes, i had the wrong reasons to go for a run. but ultimately, it has been fun. i am beginning to regain my fitness but i wonder if there is anywhere near my new house which allows me to run. it's roads and traffic lights everywhere. unlike ntu, where i can just run without my specs and the feeling is so carefree. today's run wasn't that great. i still failed to go under 26 mins, missing by 20 seconds. that's why i will come back to NTU in time to come to slash that 20 seconds off. however this takes more training and i still hope to do that after i graduate.

it will be my last day mugging when i wake up. and my student life will come to an end after my last paper tomorrow. i guess i will be emo once again. but hope it won't last. cos there are so many things to look forward to!

looking back, how has NTU nurtured me over the years? i guess it is never about the education that i received. it is the communication classes which i find most valuable. as well as my participation in hall activities and the internship i had with AMEX. books can only teach u this much, the rest is up to you.

the one with the running

2008-04-25T01:09:00.002+08:00

running seems to be another avenue where i can hide and clear my thoughts. it feels good to go faster and faster each day. though i am regaining back my fitness, it's too far away for me to regain back what i used to have in year 1. it was amazing. but i guess, in year 1, i ran more to clear and sort out my thoughts. as time passed, i felt happier and think of things less, resulting in less runs around the school. now i am back at it and i wonder why. really felt great to run against the wind, to let go of stuff and simply run with one aim in mind: the finish line.

i dunno if i should feel this way. i appreciate others. but do others appreciate too?

some things are better left unsaid

the one with random

2008-04-22T01:44:00.002+08:00

kinda sick and tired of the life i am boing through now. everything seems so damn routine. wake up, lunch, stuck in reading room to study for the rest of the day, break here break there, run, back to books, and here i am back in my room doing random stuff like blogging, gaming, videoing. another 8 more days before all this ends and i seriously can't wait for the last paper.

i think i put on a fake front. emotions cooped up inside, dying to get out but i just keep pressing them back in. and crack jokes, smile most of the time to mask. but this is what i chose. not to share. to hide. but when i wish to talk, i can just blatter things out.

there are always some things that you might lose to others, but there are always other aspects that you will have an edge over others. there is no need for comparison. to each his own.

the one with random

2008-04-21T02:26:00.003+08:00

why does it always rain on me?

fuck up

emo

why

the one with the show goal!

2008-04-18T03:27:00.002+08:00

i actually cried at the end watching this show. i think i am too emotional sometimes. if you believe you can do it one day, you can. and you will. i have seen too many shows where parents disagree with what dream you want to pursue, giving you negative vibes and how impossible is your dream. you would hate them for destroying that tiny hope you have. but in the end, when you finally do make it. it is them who feel proud. the one who stand behind you no matter what happens. that is the truth. no matter how they scold or belittle you, they do have your interests at heart. and ultimately, they are the ones who feel happy deep in their heart. it is what this show is about. and i truely enjoyed it.

counting my blessings. i should be grateful for alot of things. for the things that i have, and the people around me. thanks.

the one with feelings

2008-04-17T21:15:00.003+08:00

i just want to be happy. have more control in my feelings. just feel abit tough to let out my feelings. i noe there is no point feeling pissed, feeling frustrated or whatever. i noe i dun benefit from anything like this. but it can be quite hard sometime. i guess it is just a test again. i should try again to see things in a different light. think i should watch the secret once again.

sometimes, i wish for an avenue where there is no consequences for the things that i want to let out.

i believe there is a limit to everything.

punching bag.

the one with the concept of money

2008-04-16T15:58:00.003+08:00

i think i placed little value in money. for people who know me, you should know what i mean. i have my own principles with regards to money. people say i spend money like water, but i only do when i think that it is for the right purposes. i think money is there to be spent. it is true that one have to save, but while u save, there isn't any reason for you to keep saving and not spending what you deserve. people might think i am stupid for not taking a personal banker job, where the monetary rewards are limitedless, compared to the one i am taking. i still stand by my belief that i work to learn, establishing my clientale, and slowly work from them. it is also true that both jobs allow me to learn, but one provide more monetary benefits. i have my own dream to pursue and i think the job i have is where my calling is. it seems all so right in place for what i want to achieve in the future. but no doubt i want to earn as much as possible, to accomplish my motto of "to not let money be a problem in everything i do". but i still believe that i need a life after work as well. no point struggling for so long and not enjoying yourself.

i think i talk too much, and about myself too. should be the listener sometime.

i want to bring my parents to travel, i want to spend more time with my loved ones, i want to give back.

the one with me

2008-04-15T03:03:00.002+08:00

what kind of person i am? think this is a stupid entry but i am just gonna write it anyway. i think i've learnt to speak up. speak up to things that i feel is wrong. speak up when i know that i am not in the wrong. speak up when i feel there isn't a need to be afraid to do so. speak up to express my feelings for issues. but sometimes, i just feel that speaking up is not good enough. think actions speak louder than words. but there seems to be always restrictions or certain rules that one have to follow. in the end, issues are unsolved.

i think i judge people too early. before i even get to know them, i would have bad impression and this negatively impact my opinion on the person. i know i shouldn't do that. cos some people are really nice. better change my way of thought.

i still believe in the law of attraction. listening to music has really calmed my nerves most of the time.

the one with the harsh reality

2008-04-14T02:31:00.003+08:00

went to pay respects to my grandpa today, for the 3 consecutive years, i went from school due to my upcoming exams. when we reached, dad lost his way and we took some time to find. it was my intuition which got us to the correct way. and when we saw a bunch of people whom my mum tot were the rest of my relatives, instinct told me that it wasn't and i exactly knew where to go to find my grandpa's grave. although i was only 3 months old when grandpa passed away, i knew him through photos and stories passed down. this year was exceptionally special because all were present except my bro(who just got married and didn't come due to my mum's supersitious beliefs), my cousin who went overseas for studies and my aunt who was taking care of a sick baby at the hospital. as we talked, i felt a tinge of sadness that my grandpa couldn't join us. all i could do was to hope that somewhere out there, he was able to see that his kids and grandkids are doing fine. i still feel like crying whenever i think of that.

sometimes, when we are in pursuit of our dreams, be it money or career, we seem to be forgeting the one thing that matters the most. family ties. to me, family is everything. i came to learn of it only now, after significant changes to my life in the previous month. i learnt to be grateful for once. for things that i had always taken for granted. but sometimes, i feel i might be looking things too deeply. should just take a step back and be too emotional. i have learnt to slow down and look at things postitively. however, a reality check that those pursuit for tangible items are still a harsh fact of life. it is inevitable to pursue all these, but i hope that i am able to enjoy what i am doing and appreciate the things around me.

i am going crazy.

the one with the random

2008-04-11T02:25:00.000+08:00

i guess there is no point worrying about such stuff. it would only bring down my mood which i do not want to. i want to feel happy and good and stick to the law of attraction. as the secret said, there are always times when it makes you feel down and out, and if you let such emotions control you, you are likely to be attracted to bad things. i tried always to control all my different emotions by emersing myself in the music. now i am questioning myself on whether do i really feel good or as what others said, avoiding it. but i do noe that there is nothing wrong at all. it is just that this is something new to me in my final year of study. i always stick to the same group and i feel that this is something that a uni life should have, mixing around with people. it boils down to me not joining the camp from the start, one of my regrets. if that is what others want to think, so be it. i can't stop them from doing so and it goes both way, they can't stop me from my opinions of them. i guess i had a slight taste of my own medicine and it is a tad bitter.

i guess i am just not those smart people around who excels in their studies or scored above average. i am just your average joe in studies. for my exams, i realised my efforts are really bare minimal. partly because of a secured job, but i also want to enjoy the last few moments of my school life. i always give myself excuses that i won't flunked too badly for the exams so i didn't really put in much effort as compared to previous ones. but now i kinda feared for any glitches that might just pop out. so i am bucking up a little, just to give myself a final push to the finish line. but i strongly believed in the process than the results.

i miss home. i miss my gf.

give me something to punch at. dun give a flying fuck. let the music heal your soul.

the one with the presentations and random

2008-04-09T22:35:00.002+08:00

went through the last presentation in my schooling life. it was a total crappy one. tutor had no time management at all. each group were given 20 mins for the presentation and the first two groups simply took up more than 35mins each. but the tutor didn't prompt them to finish. however, when it was my group's turn, we were prompt to rush at the 15min mark. she has no time management at all, paying so much attention to the first two teams and simply neglecting the work of the last two. is this fair? i don't think so. i questioned her capability as a tutor, and also others from ntu biz school. it is unfair for the last 2 groups. but it is life. it is the world. however, i was pretty impressed by one of the group. i dare say that it is one of the best presentation i had listened to in ntu. it had a very clear framework and points were clearly explained to us.

on a emotional rollercoaster. i do not wish to be sad, that's why i always thought of happy things when i do. or do things that makes me happy. but after that, something pops up and i feel down again. but i do make the effort to feel happy again. hope i can sustain it.

i realised that some people do things to please others. i do not wish to do that. it might be due to peer pressure, face issues. but in the end, what matters is whether you are doing things that you like and enjoy doing. there isn't any point in doing things just for the sake of doing and you do not reap any joy from it. but in the end, you feel forced to do certain things.

the one with catching up

2008-04-09T00:46:00.002+08:00

i haven been catching up with all my friends. i believed that everyone has a group of friends that they would hang around with at different phases of life. i had my primary school friends, secondary school friends, jc friends, army(be it ocs, training courses, unit), tutorial mates in class. but once i move on to another phase of your life, i seldom keep in contact with them. although there are the "once in a blue moon" meet up session where we will start to chat everything under the sun, it is still not proving to be enough to gel us up like we used to be. when we see each other in the streets, there might be awkward silences. i don't know if i am the only one experiencing that. but it is kinda sad. my army friends for example, are a group that i hang around so close with during that particular phase. but it's all seem so different after moving on. sometimes, i wish to recapture those moments.

it is true that people gets busy and has left time for such social outings. i think it is based on one's efforts to meet up with them whenever possible and maintain these relationships. it is something that i cherish very much. and i hope i can make the extra effort to do so.

it's meet up time after my exams!

the one with the old house memories, i will always remember

2008-04-08T03:23:00.003+08:00

a sudden thought of my old house this afternoon, and memories just kept flooding into my head once again. i will always remember how i played soccer with my brother every now and then when we were in our teens. how we played at home and would arrange the furniture to prevent hitting stuff and getting scolded by my mum. i will always remember how we played wrestling and used the ladder and chairs and props. i will always remember the bedrooms where we slept, studied and played. i will always remember the occasions when people gathered at my house for CNY or any other occasions. i will always remember the times i had there. there are just too memories to describe. it is also painful to remember all this. but it has been a wonderful time for my family, place where we gone through thick and thin. though i know that it has already been grounded to ashes, every inch and piece of it will always be in my heart for the rest of my life. i do not wish to forget.

i wish for the exams to end, but i do not wish for my schooling life to end. irony.

the one with the uni days, remember the times

2008-04-07T03:04:00.006+08:00

coming to an end of my 3 years hall life. i will leave this place with 3 fun filled years of memories. it is where i forged great friendships, met my gf, took up leadership positions, interact with all people from all walks of life. it's time for me to move on soon, just like another phase of my life. things come and go and i have learnt to take it in my stride, though it might take more time for each phase. i would be sad for quite some time but i realised that it is another exciting phase that has passed by and i should learn to cherish it.

i will always remember how i first came into NTU as a freshie who doesn't know anything, even doesn't know wat is edventure and stuff. going through the camp has helped me to settle in fast to university life and i have never regret joining the camp.

i will also remember the countless hall activities, be it MAF, CNY, Hall suppers, Hall Olympiads, Soccer games. i love the gathering of people, doing nothing but just talk and joke around. it helps to forge many friendships.

i will always remember the 2 FOCs, where i met wonderful people, achieved great satisfaction from organising activities, cultivated my patience and built my strength in communicating with people.

i will always remember the runs i had around the school, the training i gotten which saw me through the marathon.

i will always remember the endless exams, countless projects, numerous tutorials, umpteen lectures that i had gone through. though it might seems totally useless at times, it is the people that i have met that made these classes more interesting.

i will always remember the times i had watching late night soccer matches with my hall kakis. without you guys, the matches wouldn't be exciting.

i will always remember the dota games we had. be it winning or losing, it has been an enjoyable 3 years with you guys.

i will always remember the mahjong sessions that i have with my hall kakis. the mahjong table is where we talk about everything under the sun, be it gossip or rumours, the laughter that we shared, i will always remember. we have become the famous mahjong room where everyone knows that we played mahjong in the afternoon!

but all good things have to come to an end. at the end of it, there are some things that i do regret, but i hope that in the future, i will go ahead and chase my dream.

the one with the career

2008-03-27T20:29:00.003+08:00

made perhaps the biggest decision in my life so far. signed a contract with a company doing sales of financial products. listened to countless advices before making my decision. but sometimes i wonder am i really making the correct choice or i am just plain lazy to find another job? that might be a factor. but the pros of this job outweighs the cons of it. this coy teaches u the ropes to kickstart your career, as heard. my jobscope teaches me how to communicate with people, teaches me the soft skills required in a "human capital" only Singapore. i believe that it is important to take a few years to learn these skills, and to find my "calling", in which career path i am most suitable for. i take my bro's opinion seriously and it is not about the money and promotion that matters and i shouldn't aim towards that. instead, focus on the things you are doing and excel in everything and the tangible benefits will come sooner than you know it. i know myself. i might not be that cut out for the sales kind of job yet. but ultimately, i know i gotta learn and there must be something in me that the coy is looking for and i am going to perform to my fullest potential. however, i kinda regretted in not able to get into MA program. these people are earmarked by the company for leadership positions. though they might be my peers, they will climb faster than me in the corporate ladder. but i believe if i give in my best, i still stand a chance years down the road in taking management position in any company. i am so looking forward to the job.

on a different note, i had a great weekend at my new house with my relatives visiting. i came to see some heartwarming moments from my 2 cousins. they are very close to each other and i believe it is good that they do not live in separate rooms. this is a very important aspect as siblings should talk to each other from young and not live in their own world. for my cousin, he is super polite and this further strengthen my beliefs in parental guidance. your parents have a great influence in the way u behave.

i guess it is time to put my time and effort into my studies. another 1 more month and i am out of the school phase. but the learning never stops there. it is going to carry on for life.

the one with the new house

2008-03-22T03:13:00.002+08:00

still adapting to my new house. all seems so different. from the walking home from the mrt, from the view from my window, from the sleeping in my own room, from the having my own room part, from the totally new environment, all seems so different. i am still adjusting to being a heart-lander now. but i can't get used to the noise downstairs which annoys me nowadays. the constant bikers who can't seem to rev their bikes to the max makes my env uncomfortable sometimes. i think i will need months before i get used to it. but i know i can adapt to it no matter what. not tat i am proud of my adaptability but i do keep adapting to what is around me. trained from army i guess.

i think it is important to have close friends. and i am glad i do have such friends. the first step to law of attraction is to be grateful to what is around you. and i am doing that daily.

the one with the new beginning

2008-03-20T16:05:00.005+08:00

i realised what i have been searching for all my life. i was tempted to change my religion in an attempt to find aim in life and to have meaning. now i realise that this is just another avenue of comfort that i sought when i am feeling down. it is self fulfillment i am looking for. when i feel sad or unhappy, i am just looking for avenues of comfort to release the tension. after watching this video titled 'the secret', it has opened up my mind and perception on things. the law of attraction basically means you attract good and bad things according to how u feel. your feelings dictate what kind of life and things you attract. i don't know how to explain this but do watch it at http://www.universallawstoday.com/secret.html to learn more about it. it has certainly made an impact in my life.

i shall try to take things in my stride and go for what i really want. no point being angry and sad for whatever reasons because no one pays me to be sad or angry. just try to feel good in everything that i do and i will attract good things that will come in my stride. learn to feel good to accomplish what i really want in life. and i do know what i want now and i am visualizing the image in my head now and then. learning from a new perspective. i am do hope i will carry on this optimism all the way.

met my army officer in school when i was on my way back home. surprisingly he still remembers me and we chatted amicably for a while. it is this kind of poeple that i would like to meet in my life. they appreciate what you had done for them last time and are sincere towards you. they are the ones who are successful in life and well liked by people. i look up to this kind of people. and hope to meet more of this calibre in the future.

sudden reminisce of the past again.

the one with regrets

2008-03-17T21:08:00.002+08:00

people used to say that life is filled with regrets. there are so many things that i wanted to do but in the end, i proscratinated and didn't do what i wanted to. I have no idea why i didn't pursue my goals and at the end of my university life, i know that i will be telling myself "i should have" on many occasions. would things be a little different and not filled with regrets if i went for it. but sometimes maybe i am afraid of failures and not confident of my capabilities as well. one would never know the outcome if he or she doesn't try. it is a matter of just going for it and knowing the results in the end. i noe that things might be a little different and i could have done better in many ways that i could if i had just try. i shall try to make my life filled with less regrets in the future.

the one with goodbye

2008-03-11T11:26:00.004+08:00

finally i moved house. it was a very hectic day. but deep down inside, i think my whole family feel sad. it has been our home for my brothers and i since we were born. we wrestled there, we quarrelled there, we played soccer there. there were so many many memories there. what is left are only our faint memories of the old apartment. my mum were also saying how we grew up there and i knew that she was very upset too. but come to think of it, life changes. this is the 2nd major change this year that i clearly have to adapt to. i took alot of pictures cos i dun want to forget this place. it is filled with happy and sad memories. goodbye, my home for 23 years, 34A Mar Thoma Road.

the one with testify to love

2008-03-05T03:10:00.003+08:00

Testify to love, Avalon

All the colors of the rainbow
All of voices of the wind
Every dream that reaches out
That reaches out to find where love begins
Every word of every story
Every star in every sky
Every corner of creation lives to testify

For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough
With every breath I take I will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love

From the mountains to the valleys
From the rivers to the sea
Every hand that reaches out
Every hand that reaches out to offer peace
Every simple act of mercy
Every step to kingdom come
All the Hope in every heart will speak what love has done

For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough
With every breath I takeI will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love

the one with my bro's wedding

2008-03-02T22:52:00.002+08:00

yest was one heck of a day. i shall not go through the whole procedures of the wedding itself as it is always the same. i really felt very happy for my bro and his wife. although i do not really know his wife that well, i knew that their love for each other is unmatched by others. it is the common goals that they both wanted and the interests that they shared that have brought this lovely couple together. the things my bro said at the altar, really made my whole family teared. and i did tried to hold my back tears, but seeing my 2nd bro tearing as well, i couldn't help but let my emotions take control. we have been brothers for so long and now he is going to start living on his own. although there are times when i detest his presence, i know i am going to miss that sorely for the years to come. i will learn to cherish all around me.

i have expected this year to be filled with many changes. this is the first one that i have to adapt to. and shortly after, i have my house moving to worry about, my career to look for, and my 2nd bro's wedding. i will never forget what my platoon commander(Gan Eng Seng) in OCS mentioned before. i will have to learn to adapt quickly you never know situations will change. it is these words that have brought me through at least 5 changes in courses during my army days. there is really nothing much i can do now but to adapt quickly.

a thought crossed my mind during the church ceremony. been trying to find meaning and direction in life. wonder if i should or not. i believed that it is the music that captivates me. and the preaching that is so pure.

the one again

2008-02-24T00:33:00.001+08:00

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who will stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She will get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She will hear me out
And wont easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she will often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who will help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I am carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when Im asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I will get away with it

the one with the results

2008-01-07T23:57:00.000+08:00

another fren departed ntu due to bad results. but i am convinced he can get a job better than any other people with good results in ntu now. what gurantee u a job in the future? your superior grades than others or your outstanding track records? i chose to believe the latter. yeah you can say i sour grapes, giving up on my 2nd upper cos it's really hard to achieve and that's why i am making these comments. but i told myself umpteen times that it is the character and personality that matters. i dunno what employers are looking for in employees but for myself, i would want to know what have you done before than solely looking at your results. if your results are so-so, but you have shown your capabilities in other aspects, i would hire you. no qualms for those with superb results and outstanding credentials. there are many other things that really matters other than pure academic results. no doubt that they are important, but without a balanced life and basic interpersonal communication skills, i would never hire you. that's is my own opinion but i strongly believe in that. and i hope i can find a company that regconise my talents in my efforts to search for a career upon graduation.

the one with the new house

2008-01-04T00:23:00.000+08:00

yes i am moving to amk next march. but i haven been doing much. i rem i wanted to plan this plan that while i was having my exams. but nothing have yet to be done. i guess there are just too many restrictions. i really hate the way my parents handle the house moving. it just seems like they don't care how the new house looks like. come on, we are moving house for the first time in like 30 years and they can't seem to put in a bit of effort to make it a comfortable environment? i will be staying there after my sch years and i want it to be something cosy. not sth slip slack kind of shit. is that too hard to understand? i will still keep trying to convince them to make it a nicer place. but it is getting harder to get into that thick head of theirs. if all to no avail, i will do everything to make my room a cosy one, even if it is abit mroe costly. sighs.

the one with 2008

2008-01-01T17:21:00.000+08:00

i finally blogged since last may 2007. it has really been a long time cos i was just plain lazy. since it is the new year, i decided to continue blogging and keep it a habit to do so. i started this because i wanted to keep a self diary that i can look back on in the future. so i hope i can continue doing so after proscratinating for so damn long.

2008 is going to a year of changes. firstly, i am moving house to amk in march. i finally can have a room of my own and it's going to be fun! secondly, it is my final year living in hall and studying in ntu, bringing an end to my "student" life. baby not in hall to be with me and it's gonna be so different. thirdly, i will enter the workforce and start living as an employee of a company. no more slacking and it is going to be an 8-5 job for the rest of my life. lastly, both my bros getting married in march and december. and after tat, i will be the only one living with my parents. it will be a few years more before it is my turn. my mind is filled with so many thoughts of the future.

spent the first day of 2008 testing my endurance of my butt. night cycling at the age of 23 is not easy anymore i guess. we are no longer as young as we thought and i could no longer take late nights. 我老了。

some so called "resolutions" that i would like to make. but i know that there is no gurantee that i will do it. so remind me if i forget. exercise regularly, procrastinate less, find a good and satisfying job, less vulgarities, love her even more.

the one with make or break

2007-05-16T21:05:00.000+08:00

been at amex for 3 days. things are still going well but work are also beginning to pile up. coupled with foc stuff, i wonder why i took up the role last time. but i kinda enjoy what i am doing, although i do feel the stress and heat on me now. have to handle amex stuff at work, and to go back home and worry about the process of foc. really hope that both things can work out. it's a make or break thing. and i definitely wanna make things work up.

a bit doubtful on things for amex. dunno what kind of information my boss want. and some information is really hard to find out. must be daring to ask and learn to be resourceful as well. this internship is just a prelude to what i going to go through in the future. a taste of what is it going to be like. office politics. the people are still alright but you never know what they are thinking either. they seemed so friendly.

another 10 more weeks of internship. just do it.

the one with the job hunting

2007-03-29T00:57:00.000+08:00

been through a couple of interviews in search of the upcoming internship. i really count myself lucky to be able to go through the assessment centre at UBS. after listening to the advice from the HR manager, i get to realise that i have to form a bigger picture of what i really want in the future. the assessment process was scary at first, but when i was going through it, i realised i took it rather easily. think it's because i have something to fall back on if i failed to get this. but though it's pretty much not possible to get in, a tinge of hope would definitely linger deep inside.

really disappointed at the progress of FOC preparation. totally disgusted by people's attitude towards it. i understand that there are notes to be read, projects to be completed. i guess next year's chair will really have to screen through everyone on their capabilities and committment level. but words not put into actions=nothing. that's what i am seeing now from the attitudes of my committee members. if you tell me that exams are near and you wanna keep it aside first, sure. but if after the exams, and your committment level still sucks, then you are a fuck up person.

i am not academically talented, just your average joe i guess. these interviews have really made me to better understand my capabilities and weaknesses, to be a better person and to be better prepared in the future.

i gonna make a statement that i dunno whether i am guilty of. can i handle stress? i dunn. but i dun like to see ppl crumble in the face of problems. take it in your stride. all will be over.

punctuality once again. why can they just stroll in? i think the next time, i will be late for as late as i wan and let them have a taste of their own medicine. i think it's really pretty tough to find the right people with the same mentailty or vision that you share. that's why interviews are so thorough to ensure you are the perfect fit for the company.

the one with gillette

2007-03-05T09:52:00.002+08:00

I bet you have seen this everywhere. i was shocked by the island wide marketing channels that it employs. i see them from inside the trains, on the seats at city hall mrt stations, newspapers, magazines, websites. you name it, they have it. what an impressive way. way to go man! i am so tempted to buy it.

the one where it's been a long time

2007-02-28T11:42:00.000+08:00

16th dec was the last time i blogged. a cool 3 months since i updated. i think i was too lazy or perhaps, there was less thoughts i wanted to share.

just went through kind of a mock interview today. realized it is really all about the results out in the real world. who cares what your personalities are? what achievements you have? your results are the prerequisites for all! feeling more and more demoralised each day. getting slacker each semester. maybe just disappointed at the way things are. i am not a smart person, and i thought i can improve that through other skills. but it's really all about the results in the end. sad but true. only thing i can do is to study hard. but no guarantee as well.

nowadays, i begin to see a different light in some way. beginning to appreciate the little things in life. seeing my aunt, wheelchair bound and needing someone to help her to move about for the rest of her life, really breaks my heart. she have been slogging for more than half her life and instead of 享福, she require an oxygen tank wherever she goes as well. so sad to see her like that.

and yes, i fucking hate acs boys. a bunch of fuck up ppl who thinks that money can rule the world. with money, they can do whatever they wan. and who are the people who supplies them with money? their parents!

i dunno how people earn so much to afford a large house. but i hope it is not against one's conscience. no doubt i would feel jealous and it spurs me to do even better. but i know that Ding family is unique and it's sooner or later we make a name for ourselves.

feeling the pressure of foc. dunno what to do at times and dunno whether i am capable of tasks. just need to be more proactive to get things going. applies to my studies as well. i know very well that i am laggin and just can't get started. what a talk about all the bucking up but no actions done. really feel like giving it all up.

the one with the lookback

2006-12-17T07:04:00.000+08:00

past few days, i've been thinking of the days i had in army. i realised, those were really the days. those were the days where i can say i climb up mount biang, those were the days when i said those words "firers, own time own target carry on", those were the days when my fitness was at its peak, those were the days where i was punished with 4 extras, those were the days where i really grew as a man. i can see myself like my uncle, after so many years down the road, he could still vividly remembers the details of what happened during his army days. he could even single out a particular person. i would too. those times are times where i would carry it to my grave. and i believed, everyone else, no matter how hard that time was, would also look back at it and said: i've been there and done that.

but there are other times that i remember as well. those nitty gritty details of school days where i pontant classes. it's a marvel what life is. fill with beautiful memories as one live by. of course there will be sad moments when you look back, your heart will ache. i hope that i can learn to really cherish the times ahead that i have. and seriously think of what i want in the future and not to continue wasting life as it is. but of course, action speaks louder than words.

the one with the marathon

2006-12-03T21:07:00.000+08:00

yes i did it. but it comes with many prices. legs cramped, thigh abrasion, blisters on my feet. but it was all worth it. although i walked for most of my 42.195km, it really took me to my limits. route marches and intensive tekaning back in the army days cannot be compared to the shagness of this marathon. overall, it is really mind over matter. i am glad that i am able to do this at least once.

i really dunno wat is going on nowadays. am i really tat bad? i guess things are these bad because of me. because of my selfishness and laziness. because of my proscratination.

the one where it's been so long

2006-11-25T23:48:00.000+08:00

been so long since i blogged. it was a nice bdae celebration yest back in hall. thanks for coming. and i and finally home after more than a month long. wonder how i survived compared to overseas training that is only 3 weeks. it's such an irony that i am still in singapore but didnt come home for quite some time. nice to be back. and snowy is back! from aussie land. haha.

exams are finally over. wun do well definitely. felt so sick of studying at some point. but glad that it's over and i can finally enjoy! have to carry on the task of FOC. i feel that this is as important as school work. taking pride in the things that i do. and having a sense of satisfaction and achievement after all tat.

didnt noe wat to blog about. will update soon...

the one with the fucked up tutors

2006-10-06T00:01:00.000+08:00

3 tutors for my core. all cannot make it.

1st : a bullet train tutor that just talked from the beginning of the seminar to the end of it. without even checking with the class whether we even noe what is he talking about. i checked, some dunno at all. i admit he knows his stuff at the back of his hand. but he can't teach for nuts. yes we should have stopped him when we dun understand. but i think nobody want to show that they dun understand and didnt do tat. if we did, the class wun carry on cos he will be stopped every single moment

2nd: dunno what he is talking about as well. dunno his stuff. he would ask mindless and stupid questions about the answers even though it was pretty obvious. and even take some time to digest what the student was talking about. really doubt his capability as a tutor.

3rd: another one that talk to himself as well. can go one huge round in explaining a 1+1=2 concept. adding on rubbish to confuse us. came on the first day of lecture and told us he dunno how to teach. wat a start and it's so true.

how to pass when such tutors are around?

the one with the same

2006-10-05T23:43:00.001+08:00

been through hall life for over a year now. realized that some things doesn't change. events are still as laggy as before. not organised, not done properly and mostly in a sloppish manner. that's the way it works and will always be. even for a so called important even like AGM. people can be so late and ended up with audience having to wait for them. if that's the case, what kind of msg are you sending to the rest of the hall residents? that's why i am imposing a strict rule of punctuality. actually i am so pissed off with people who doesn't care less about timing that i really want them to just vanish from this world. or my world.

all is not so bad. hall spirit is still there. i guess. for the old residents mainly. i believe in helping out others. in the sense of showing up ur face for some event even though how much you think the event sucks. it's a way of helping each other. with less participation due to the new system, it's encouraging to see people still willing to help. still having that sense of belonging. no obligation to do but doing it volunteerily. however, damn pissed with some asshole who doesn't give a shit. yeah we all got better things to do. who does? to think that you wanted to go for jcrc main comm. what the hell. yes, joining something big will help in ur resume in the future. but so what if u join without the passion for it? you won't get the sastifaction at the end of it. i really hope my committee have the same passion.

drifting for half a semester. 得过且过is the word. dunno what i am doing. living each day by day, week by week, month by month. letting time just slip by my hand. having that stupidity feeling back again. feel that i really can't make the cut to carry on studying. feel so difficult to continue. even happening to my running schedule. feel weak and get so tired easily. gave up and walked on some occasion. why is this happening? i have no idea.

feel trapped once again. sth is not going the way i wan to be. sth have to be done to get things right. what is it? feelings trapped inside me again. not a good thing.

the one with the interviews

2006-09-19T03:16:00.000+08:00

had a round of interviews for my main comm of programmers. a fulfilling one i would say. it enable us to make a better and informed decision. i realised wat chrispy said to me was true. he said he learnt alot through what he was doing, even at the very first meeting. i did too. and at my first task on hand. but i tot i could be better in some way or another. perhaps the way i ask those questions. and i need to be more spontaneous. i foresee more challenging tasks ahead and i vow to put my heart and soul to it.

history repeats it self and this time, it doubled its severity. my work. worse than last sem, harder than last sem, slacker than last sem. somebody please slap me back to reality. or give me some motivation to carry on.

the one with the passion

2006-09-13T02:59:00.000+08:00

went to watch forbidden city, portrait of an empress. didn't know the sad story the dragon lady. but there are so many versions of her story. at the end of the show, thunderous applause was given to the actors and actresses. it was then i felt a certain feeling. a sense of satisfaction for them. i know that deep inside them, they know that their efforts are finally paid off with the response they get from the audience. though singapore is trying to open the art scene to the public, it's still not that common. but it is the passion in them that keeps these actors and actresses going strong. from my point of view, i think it's the applause at the end of every show that they get. the regconition of their efforts.

and i believe that it is the passion in me to carry on doing foc. and i hope to do a good job. :)

the one where i want to be carefree

2006-08-30T18:21:00.000+08:00

soaring the sky like a bird. i would want that.

the one with the year ahead

2006-08-30T18:18:00.000+08:00

i foresee a tough and rough road ahead for me and i believe that what i experienced last year can't be compared to this path that i have chosen. more interpersonal communication required, more determination and perserverance needed, more committment needed, and more intellectual brains needed. so many things and all seemed so little time even before things started or already on its course.

i think too much. seeing things the way even before it even happened or even actually doing. i proscrastinate. once again. postponing those once promised minor events and eventually didn't even do it. why? i really dunno. can't kick this bad habit of mine.

it's not easy to make decisions. especially when it involves people around u. close to u. have to give a proper explanations for the decisions i made. it's not that easy. it's my gut instinct on certain issues. i believe i am right. don't really like to be proven wrong at times but just gotta accept some facts.

it's not easy to communicate. even after taking up effective interpersonal communication module, it's easier said than done. it's hard to put words into actions. it's only after when things happened then you would realise the essence of the modules. and i get back to my point of being able to read people's mind. i seriously want to. hard to grasp what others trying to express at times. learn all those things about verbal and non-verbal actions. it only gives u a rough idea, not the full picture. and who knows whether the rough idea is right.

sometimes, you encounter situations where you want to do sth about it but you can't cos of certain issues. 进退两难 in chi i think. but it really gets on my nerves and pissed me off when i see such situations and there's nothing i can do about it.

it's already week 4. not a lot of work done. really dunno how am i going to survive this year ahead with all the committment and challenges that lies ahead of me. i know it's not easy. i need support.

the one with the complaints!!!!!

2006-08-12T03:19:00.000+08:00

read in an article that students only know how to complain about school issues and not doing anything about it. and we do not give credit to the good things that our admin has done for us to make our life better. please, i believe we do give credit but there isn't a proper channel for us to do so. take for example in real life, do we get more complaints than credit for feedback for mcdonald's delivery? i think more complaints. and for the low turnout for talks , i think that we have already given up on our hope on them to address our greivances to the school admin. time after time had there been attempts by student population to try to persuade the admin thru them to stop some price hike or amenities fees but all we get is nothing but the same results with some excuses that we just had to accept.

regarding change of textbooks and we having to keep changing every semester, i seriously think that the authors or professors who wrote books are in cahoots with the school admin in cheating our money. give u a scenario, a module requires 2 textbooks, A($50) written by foreigners and B($20) written by our own professor. A and B cost $45 as a set and bundle. Sem 1 students buy the set while sem 2 students were offered books C($50) written by foreigners and B($20) by the same prof and Sem 2 students had to buy the bundle($45) cause it is cheaper although sem 1 students maybe selling it for as cheap as $5. so tell me.. is it fair?

shuttle bus services is getting from bad to worse. frequency comes in 20 mins and in 2 buses! why? please don't give me lame excuses of human traffic or wat. isn't it ridiculous that 2 buses met each other given the perimeter of the school? i really beg to differ. and the bus driver is even worse. refusing to pick up a student who was just in time for the bus and he simply just drove off. what if the student had some important things to reach the school for? you can argue that she could have left earlier. but what is the difference if i was already at the busstop 20 mins ago? the bus wasn't even here at all.

yah loads of complaints but nothing is done. give me a proper channel to do so. no point going through so many channels up to the head. the message might be distorted in the end or worse, not even through to who i intended the message for.

the one with the movie click

2006-08-08T18:08:00.000+08:00

another heartwarming movie by adam sandler. a simple gadget that most people would like to have: a universal remote control. the message that it wanted to bring across was strong. since young, we wanted to grow up as fast as possible to be adults. we also wanted to skip some processes that we dislike or felt that it was a waste of time. but little did we know that such time are precious as well. appreciate is the keyword. sometimes, time passes so fast that we fail to appreciate it. and it's all the little actions in life that you take that you gotta take notice before you regret it in the future. and everything only happens once. once it's over, you can't bring back the time to where it used to be. what's done is already done. there's no turning back and only regret your actions.

fuck NTU management. bloody sch keep changing textbooks every semester. what the fuck for? yah updating the school standards to keep up with the society. but is it necessary to change it every damn fucking semester? and if there's changes, why put it in the middle of an academic year for NBS year 1? to earn our bloody money? at least have the same standard for the same lot of students. not different ones for the same lot. where is the fairness? we are bloody students. not fucking rich students. buy and buy. change and change. even coming up with car park charges. and is there tranparency for our school fees? i do not wish to find out that my near 3k per sem sch fees is used to build that stupid SADM. don't get me started on student union. always coming up with excuses after sch has implemented measures. do they really fight for us or are they in cahoots? or the sch just don't listen to SU at all. nobody knows the truth i think.

the one with the FOC 06/07

2006-08-04T01:46:00.000+08:00

after 4 days of camp, foc finally came to an end. through this camp, i really learnt alot of things. and it feels really good when your efforts are being appreciated. it's all so sad that all good things have to come to an end and i truely gonna miss all the fun that we have through meetings, senior camp, actual camp.

actually, i really got a lot on my mind that i wanted to say about this whole camp but just can't seem to put down in words. i just want to cherish this beautiful memory that everyone has given me during this period of time from planning phase all the way to the execution phase. it's really a wonderful journey and i don't regret being part of this management committee. i hope i will always remember this phase of my life.

but i realized that by being part of the management committee, i didn't get to know the freshies. it's a totally different experience from last year.

a big thank you to all of you who have made this camp possible and a successful one.

the one with the courtesy

2006-07-29T03:11:00.000+08:00

is it so hard for people to just keep quiet and listen to one person speak? what's wrong with being quiet just for that moment and showing some respect for the person? too many a times i wanted to stand up and yelled at everyone to shut their mouths. too many a times i wanted to just walked out of the room and not to be with those people.

yes i am being MCP by saying i am ok with gals talking during meetings. but what about those guys who went thru NS? talking when the sergeant or officer is talking? you gonna get extras. but here in school? there's no punishment for us. really disappointed with these situations.

hate it when people do all the talking while others do the working. esp hate this person in my hall committee. talk talk talk and no work is done and others have to clear the shit.

the one with the food

2006-07-16T15:06:00.000+08:00

Outback Steakhouse Bushman Shrooms

This mushrooms melts in your mouth, not in your hand...go try it..

the one with the working

2006-07-13T22:26:00.000+08:00

i worked as an usher at a seminar months ag and i had to stand the door to check their tickets after a break. here are some reactions that i saw when i asked to check.

1) had their stubs ready and showed it to me proudly
2) my ticket is inside with my fren
3) my bag is inside(and so is my ticket)
4) " dun need to check la"
5) " for wat?"
6) frantically dig their bags to search for the ticket stubs and finally showed it
7) frantically dig their bags to search for the ticket stubs and showed it when they are far way after finally digging it out
8) frantically dig their bags to search for the ticket stubs and just walked in without showing it
9) and the ultimate reason "NO!" and just walked in.

i remembered i did a project for organisational behaviour entitled " challanges faced by older workers at work". we had so much for filming a video about it. but i realized it is not that funny afterall cos i faced the real deal at work at that seminar. they are really being bullied and pushed around by other younger colleagues. i am really feel for him.

the one with the 20062006

2006-06-20T23:04:00.000+08:00

finally the date 200620006 have come. it has been one year of trials and tribulations, ups and downs. no more probation plate! i can finally remove that stupid plate that seems to be an eyesore for other drivers on the road. it's the license for others to "eat" u up on the road. bullying you as well. when u make a mistake, they would say " P plate ah? so u don't have much experience la!" bloody hell. like you yourself didnt hold a p plate once before. why look down on others?

singaporean drivers are very bad and impatient drivers. i admit i am impatient too la. but those experiences with all those bad drivers really ticked me off at times. example include beaming their super bright headlight at you because you are driving too slowly on the expressway although you are actually travelling at 100kmph but they just wanna go faster.

20052006 was also supposedly my ord date but the kind government decide to cut it by 2 months. 20052006 was also the day i got my driving license and the very day where i fly to sydney to enjoy my holidays. coincidence? i will always remember these dates.

p.s: i've increased the font size!

the one with the new blogskin

2006-06-14T14:46:00.000+08:00

trying to play around with my blog. really had a hard time trying to figure out all those html codes. anyone keen to teach me? haha.

the one witht the photo posting..

2006-06-14T13:51:00.000+08:00

beautiful sydney... testing whether i can post images on my blog...

the one with the results

2006-06-06T00:59:00.000+08:00

ok. i am here to air my views once again. results. does it means the world to you? or to the society? i just feel very very unfair about the examination system. papers and papers to decide your standard and maybe even your career in the future. just a few points difference will determine your honours and also whether companies come looking for you or you try desperately to look for a decent job. there are those exceptionally good people whom i won't comment on cos they are really good and there's no denial. but i am talking about the main bulk of the average-class people with not so good and not so bad results that are hanging in the middle. it's those minute differences in grades that will cause the difference in overall results. i really feared the thought of not being able to get into the specialization that i want. and it make it worse by the thought that if rejected, it's because i didn't make the cut off due to the minute differences.

just feel really unfair in the differences in paper standard for different batches of people. do employers know that your results weren't as good as the others because the standard was different? people only looked at the surface of things i guess. i would want to say that results doesn't matter at all but character, personality, attitude, capability etc is what really matters. but i really don't know either.

you will always find yourself comparing to others when you get back your results, just to gauge your standard. but 人比人气死人。and what's important is you have exceed your own expectations and did put in effort to get the results you want. i am reasonably ok with my results with the standard of the papers that i get this semester. but i am really not happy with the other standard of papers that the other group is getting. not their fault but just not happy with their As all flying around.

the one where it's been so long

2006-06-02T12:41:00.000+08:00

going to be a month since i posted anything. i admit i have been really lazy to blog. it's always "ok, gotta write this in my blog later" but the next moment when i am at my lappy, it'a ll too lazy to even go to the blogsite. i would be doing every other thing than blogging. just like to procrastinate.

the previous lyrics is from the movie poseidon. i think it's damn nice. grammy-like. had a special meaning and i like tat.

got alot of things i wanted to do during this holidays. hope i can still do it.

the one with the lyrics: fergie, won't let you fall

2006-06-02T12:36:00.000+08:00

fergie, won't let you fall

I'll never let you go
So, never let me go
I will be your journey
And you will be my road
Down the stormy path
Love will never come to pass
It will be an anchor
Although the winds may blow

And through the depths of high and low
Wherever you will go, I'll follow
To the end, back again
You Know
Won't let you fall
Fall out of love
'Cause together we'll be holding on
'Cause all we have is us
Won't let you go
Go away again
Because life don't mean nothing at all
If I don't have your love

I will dry your tears
Take away your fears
Let me be your shelter
Your heart is safe in here
So beautiful and and pure

There's nothing I would not endure
Oh, love as got me blinded
I see it all so clear

chorus

I'm down for you for whatever
Anything you going through
What's mine is yours
Every little thingI got you
Even when winds will change
Come smashing down and crashing on you

chorus

the one with the everything

2006-05-07T01:26:00.000+08:00

finally, exams are over. but results aren't out yet. i have no confidence for the papers. i guess it might be worse than last sem. ironically, i think i put in more effort this sem. after this exams, i seemed to have a different attitude towards them. i believe some people would say that degrees are important. results are important while others would say that it isn't or sth like that. i just think that exams are super unfair. but i gotta take it. there were some puzzling things that i realised during the schooling year. is it fair that 2 different batches of biz students interchanging subjs at the turn of semester having 2 different kind of textbooks, lecturers and even different approaches to the subject? i seriously do not think so. yes i feel damn unfair that the subjects for the other batch was so much easier than mine and ours were so much harder than theirs. difficulty aside, why the use of different textbooks with just a turn of a 2 month holiday? teaching different stuff is not fair at all for both batches. i just feel that it is a tactic to make us waste money to buy those textbooks written by lecturers. i think if you really wanna change the approach, change it at the onset of a new batch of students, not like now.

people say singaporeans are not courteous. some were criticised for pretending to be sleeping, reading, using handphones etc to avoid giving up seats to elderly in trains or buses. i don't think so. maybe i haven encounter such people. whenever elderly or pregnant women needed seats, many would response to the extent that they would be spoilt for choices. we are still a gracious society. but one thing happened to me today. i was at work moving some stuff and had to take a lift. i obviously needed help with some one pressing the button before i can do that. one foreign national was in the same lift as me, but he simply just walked out without lending a hand. so damn inconsiderate. i really hate this kind of people, making me believe that those inconsiderate people are mostly this expats from this country that i wun mention. i really don't like them at all.

elections are just over. same thing over and over. my first time voting but doesn't seem to have an impact for me at all. real issues weren't properly discussed and minor issues with the character and personality of certain people were exaggerated. i don't live in hdb. i was just wondering what can the govt do for my area development. incentives would only be given after either are elected. if not, none is given. trying to bribe us with all this things? i dun think so. do they really have meet the people sessions and door to door visit? come try knocking at my door and my vote will sure be given to you.

i am moving out of hall for the holidays. going to move back when school reopens. make me think of the times when i had to keep changing camps, getting to know new people and adapting to new environment. i was kinda sad or weird to see people moving out and leaving hall. i guess i have to adapt again. as what my instructor told me once. something about having to adapt wherever i go. it's true. applies to all levels.

do unto others as would others do unto you. always true.

the one where i made a mistake

2006-04-18T20:17:00.001+08:00

really can't believe what happened to me today. i noe something was going to turn out bad for this paper. had this really bad omen the day before. i guess i was too stressed out to even notice the last page of the paper. just blew away 8marks like that. after nearly 13 years of studying in school, i made a mistake. i know that it's costly. it's going to be there haunting me. i swear i wun made another mistake like this ever again. was so disappointed with myself for doing that. my only hope of doing well gone down the drain.

i really hate exams. but who doesn't? i just tot that this is a pathway to what i wanna do in the future. don't really think i can do well in exams at all. suck at it totally. i wanna do business but everyone says you need a degree at least first. but does it really matters? does it really determines your future on what you gonna do or be like 10 years down the road? i really have no idea now. i really dread studying now. looking at the books and notes just turned me off. i just want all this to end again. i wan to earn big bucks and i dun wan to study. what a joke! that's what every one want too.

and another thing about i just want to stress something. you like what you wanna do. i like what i wanna do. i dun criticise or pinpoint on why do you like to do that. but why must you say things unpleasant to my ears. there are different interests. unless i am you or you are me, there's no way i can like the same things. so please, accept what others like or dislike. if you don't like it, keep it to yourselves. don't just say it out for the sake of saying. you are not that great either.

the one after exam papers

2006-04-13T18:56:00.000+08:00

i am not the kind that like to talk about the details about the exams scripts. yah you can tell me how long you took to flip your books, how many pages you wrote, whether you finish the paper or not. but dun come rattling to me about this question that question. i dun wan to noe. yes, u can say that it's denial of knowing the truth about how i have done for the paper. but my logic is: what's the point of knowing when it's all over? even you think you are right, the marker wouldn't think so. that's what i think about that. i realised we dun get back our papers after exams. that's a sad thing. how ever are we going to learn what we have got right or wrong for whatever we have written? so then wat's the point anymore? we will never know and only the marker for our paper would.

somethings just pissed me off. i am being biased but that's it. sometimes it is just damn annoying. i am not good with some stuff, but i am better than others with some. and this is true for anyone. i believe that there's always someone out there that is much much better than yourself. i noe this sound pessimistic and lacking confidence, but going back to the topic of confidence again, is being too confident a good thing? go ask your friends that. i guess they will say a moderate amount is just nice.

feeling a bit sad about some stuff. just dun wish to get it off my chest again. haha.

the one with the running?

2006-03-30T20:36:00.000+08:00

went for a run just now. but don't know whether i consider this to be a run. first time in history that i actually stop and pause, walk for a while, then to my own surprise i turn around and walk back. really don't know what it signifies.

is being punctual a virtue? if it is, then do i have to change to accomodate others just because they like to dilly dally and just let precious time fly by? if u consider that a virtue, i got nothing to say. to me, it's a terrible habit. since it is a habit, i will not accomodate with it and let it affect my own set of principles.

saw zhongmin's msn msg:"must we always give in to people? but do people actually appreciate what you did for them or that they take you for granted?" . no you don't have to always give in to poeple. it's a give and take situation to me. i guess for me, maybe i am lamenting or just feeling pitiful for myself. but i have been taken for granted too many times and i dunno whether people appreciate the effort. if they do, how to they express themselves? i really don't know either. i don't blame them. it's the situation that we have to face and overcome whenever in our lives. give and take.

the one where lifeis unfair

2006-03-30T01:47:00.000+08:00

in economics, we learnt that in everything that we choose or do, there is an oppurtunity cost which means that you can't have the best of both worlds. thus to me, this is unfair. you treat others well and would prefer others to do the same to you as well. but do you get what you wanted? not in every case, almost never i think. i don't know how is this unfair but it's true. go think about it. sometimes when you think that you have already done something right, it just take the next second to turn things around and things aren't the same anymore. i want to continue to treat people nice and always with a smile, but i am afraid there comes a day where i reveal my true colours and everything won't be the same anymore. i think all this boils down to do unto others as would others would do unto you. life's unfair. i hope i does in the future.

didn't really had a good day. hope today will be a better one.

the one with the value of time

2006-03-29T23:29:00.000+08:00

does this topic looks familiar? i keep talking, or rather complaining about it. but i really find it damn annoying. today the same person step into class at 1030(lessons supposed to start at 930). what kind of signals are you sending to the tutor that you are consistently late for lessons? you don't care about the lessons at all? if that is the case, please do yourself a favour and don't even bother coming to class.

a few minutes late is okay. perhaps half hour for major traffic jams or held ups. but one hour late is absurb. especially when you are staying in hall. i really had enough of people being late and still do not have the courtesy to apologise or the urgency. but there is really nothing i can do about it. i have said i will learn to accept people for who they are cos all of us are different and unique in our very way. but i think value of time is very important. so just an advice, wake up ur idea or you will suffer in the future.

and yes, i finally know how to put the tagboard le. feel free to tag, but no rubbish please.

the one with business students vs rest of the world

2006-03-29T21:58:00.000+08:00

business students have no future. to be able to earn a keep in the outside world, one must acquire a skill such as engineering or bio sci, etc. one who study business can't venture in other fields while one who have an engineering degree can still do business. this is what i hear all the time. but is that true? i don't agree. i will take engin as an example but no offence to anyone.

engin students study maths, physics and others for their degree. what they acquire is a skill that will help them in their careers such as civil or enviromental. we don't really study the theories. we learnt the skills that are essential for our survival in the working society. we deal with public relations and communicating with people. the presentations that we do now in school is just to prepare us for bigger and more formal presentations in the future. that is our skill. if anyone thinks that it is an easy feat and can dare say they won't be even tongue tied to speak in front of people, go think about it.

projects and projects is what we do. engin students do homework and lab. we are just different in our way of doing stuff and our passion for what we want to do in the future. people say engineers can venture into business if they decided to quit engin. but is it so easy? and if they wan to venture into business, why do they take engin as a career in the first place? having doubts after he or she graduate from school? i chosen business because i wan to make big bucks and also i have totally no interest in engin stuff. that's why i have made up my mind.

come to think about it, everything around us revolves around business. whatever courses that you take, it will still be related to business. communications studies->journalist->papers->sales->business, civil engin->buildings->bidding->build shops or houses-> business, electrical engin->electronics stuff->computers->selling them and obtaining patents for wat?-> business. all and all, business is still needed to market or sell the products. we are still needed for public relations. but does civil engin need the help of bio sci students? i am not sure though. there's really no denial that everything is still link back to business.

that's what i have to say now. couldn't think of anymore arguments but there's sure to come in the future. maybe i was too harsh in my words.

i really hope to have my dream come through. it's not impossible. i just need to figure a way out.

the one

2006-03-23T17:32:00.000+08:00

didn't really want to revert back to my old self. but circumstances has forced me to do that.

the one with the music

2006-03-23T03:45:00.000+08:00

i like music. songs that i can sing. songs that will blow my mind away. that's why i post lyrics here too.

exams are drawing near. back to mugging once again. but can i really make it this time round? i don't know.

don't even noe why i am blogging now. just think that it's been a really long time since i blog. don't want to say sad things here again. noe that i will just write what i felt immediately but it will diminish away after some time. might as well throw this blog away. haha.

just a song that i like...

k-ci and jojo, all my life

I will never find another lover sweeter than you,
Sweeter than you
And I will never find another lover more precious than you
More precious than you
Girl you are close to me you're like my mother,
Close to me you're like my father,
Close to me you're like my sister,
Close to me you're like my brother
You are the only one my everything and for you this song I sing

And all my life I've prayed for someone like you
And I thank God that I, that I finally found you
All my life I've prayed for someone like you
And I hope that you feel the same way too
Yes, I pray that you do love me too

I said you're all that I'm thinking of.....baby

Said, I promise to never fall in love with a stranger,
You're all I'm thinking of, I praise the Lord above,
For sending me your love, I cherish every hug,
I really love you

chorus

You're all that I ever known, when you smile, on my face, all I see is a glow.
You turned my life around, you picked me up when I was down,
You're all that I ever known, when you smile on your face all I see is a glow,
You picked me up when I was down
You're all that I ever known, when you smile on your face all I see is a glow,
You picked me up when I was down and I hope that you feel the same way too,
Yes I pray that you do love me too

the one with the lyrics: depeche mode, somebody

2006-03-11T03:25:00.000+08:00

depeche mode, somebody

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She will hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and with every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear
Of those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it

feel like things inside me are going to explode anytime. why is it so hard to get things off my chest? i think i am scared of opinions. how people would look at me once i said things. and this blog? it's just a comfort zone for me though i think less than 10% of what is in my mind is written here. why can't things be simpler? i wasn't like this in the past. i have changed. but was it for the better or for the worse? i don't know. maybe karma is setting in whenever i think of it. i don't know how long i can survive to be that "happy-go-lucky" guy. i want to show my emotions as well. i think alot. it's really dragging me down in things that i do. it's even thinking now when i am typing. i really hate that. why can't i just say that i don't like that at all? or did i spare too much thought for the people around me that i am neglecting myself. feels like i am lamenting. damn it. this blog aint getting me anywhere is sharing what i thought. was even comtemplating a diary. but i guess it would be the same. i hate myself for keep complaining. i really want to tell things. be open and trash things out. life's so unfair. it's totally unfair. something in my chest that i really wan to get it out. it's so damn freaking hard. so damn freaking painful that sometimes it turns numb. alot of things i should have said wasn't said on the spot. and when it's over, i simply forget about it. but when another thing pops out, it is accumulating in one corner of my mind slowly, unknowingly. i know that's not good. but there's nothing i can do either. wanted very much to tell but everytime, i simply let it go. it's about everything. heart is aching. maybe there are a lot of reasons for it to hurt. i just can't figure out which one weighs more. i seldom talk nowadays i realise. that's bad. don't know when will that happen. don't know when i will break down. funny thought i had: mental people go to aslyum cos they think too much is it? so they need an enclosed room to vent their frustration to stop thinking? haiz. after writing so much, i still didn't get my points clear. friends, please don't judge me. don't ask either. time will tell. that's what i always say. but is that true? will that ever be true? time will tell.

realised this is going to be my 100th entry. i am hiding too much things. should i tell or should i not? i really want to be given the gift of mind reading. or perhaps what i really want is just a simple life and stop thinking too much. i read too much into things. or do i? it ain't gonna be easy. it's in fact going to be tough. real tough. really wanted to talk to someone now. and blurt everything out. is that possible? i hope i can. so i hope i would be that happy go lucky guy again. someone just stabbed me please. i had enough.

the one with the lyrics: delta goodrem ft brian mcfadden, almost here

2006-03-09T15:01:00.000+08:00

delta goodrem ft. brian mcfadden, almost here

Did I hear you right
'cause I thought you said
Let's think it over
You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here

I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

chorus

the one with the lyrics: def leppard, when love and hate collides

2006-02-28T18:07:00.000+08:00

def leppard, when love and hate collides

You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Instead of slamming down the phone girl, for the hundredth time
I got your number on my wall, but I ain't gonna make that call
When divided we stand baby, united we fall

Got the time got a chance gonna make it
Got my hands on your heart gonna take it
All I know I can't fight this flame
You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby, time after time

Without you
One night alone Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

I don't wanna fight no more,
I don't know what we're fighting for
When we treat each other baby, like an act of war
I could tell a million lies and it would come as no surprise
When the truth is like a stranger, hits you right between the eyes

There's a time and a place and a reason
And I know I got a love to believe in
All I know got to win this time

the one with the mind

2006-02-28T03:08:00.000+08:00

the mind is a powerful thing. there is no denial. mind over matters. once you set your mind on something, the mind can be so powerful to overcome the obstacles that come. or it can hurt too. it can make you think of things that you don't want to. but no matter how hard one try, it will keep recurring. it still up to the mind on how to interpret them.

whenever i thought that i saw light at the end of the tunnel, dark clouds loomed and it became grey once again.

the one where i am 不爽

2006-02-24T21:12:00.000+08:00

totally not happy when i see certain things and i don't have the ability or means to change the way things are. it's about hall activities again. true, we all have our own life outside school and want to maintain our social life. but if u have already join something, please be committed. i am really going to complain if some people i see are still in hall next year despite of the little things that they did to earn cca points. yes. some people just put down their names to join certain subcomms just to earn points, with the belief that they would get them even if they don't do anything. they would push off meetings or commitments by just saying they have things outside. if you are that busy, buzz off. quit hall. don't even join hall activities. i don't know whether the president or the head of certain events are doing something about it. i really wish. maybe there can be a system where if a person don't turn up for more than a reasonable percentage of participation, he or she would be out! that's it. sometimes i wish i was the president. but who knows what would happen when i am one? i admit i going to reduce my hall activities once the points system is out. so what? at least i put in my time and effort to earn that stay in second year. 我问心有愧.

do unto others as you would have others do unto you. always find this phrase very true wherever i go. 你要人家着样对你，你就着样对人家。i think that's roughly the meaning in chinese bah.

i am not that kind of person that 记仇。 once things are over, i won't go and ponder over it. but if things are unresolved, how to let it go and treat that there is nothing at all? i like to 打破沙锅问到底. don't like to drag stuff i guess..

recently, i got more impatient.guess i need to control my temper le. end of recess week. sad to say, i have blew it without much work done. vowed to treat the next 7 weeks as important as anything else. study mode le.

the one where i am tired

2006-02-22T15:31:00.000+08:00

another meeting today with late meet ups and one person still pissing me off. don't think he deserve to be in our CP group. really wan him out. but it always this kind of situation where everybody noe that something is wrong but just cant bear to say it out because of various reasons like he or she is my friend or it would make things worse or just dun wan to make things ugly. why are we living in a world that is so complicated? i am tired of all this things le. either i put a stop to it or i carry on. it's a tough choice. don't know what should i do now. somebody please tell me. i am really tired.

the one with the probing

2006-02-14T03:14:00.000+08:00

i don't know why i keep probing. maybe i just want to be reassured and to clear some uncertainty. keep telling myself not to ask again and even promise not to do that. but certain part of me still wan to noe the truth. i don't know how i can take all this. it's painful again.

the one with the admin instructions

2006-02-10T17:40:00.000+08:00

admin instructions. it's a thin or thick set of documents that is prepared by an officer before the start of any activities. it includes everything, ranging from the timing of events, the equipments needed, the safety instructions, it entails who is going to do what at what time. it used to be a hassle or chore to anyone of us who needed to painstakingly write and type it out for our superior to sign. but i realised the importance of it till yesterday's carnival.

it was unplanned, disorganised and it was till the very last minute that things were only half done. yes, we are students and do not really have the time to do the stuff effectively. if that's the case, then don't even bother to have a carnival. i do appreciate the effort of most people who did their best to make the event a successful one. but if we can't manage or priortise our time properly, then how we gonna manage our life in the future? maybe i myself haven really manage my time well too.

the one with the hall activities

2006-02-09T01:49:00.000+08:00

think i have said it too many times that i myself have lost the energy to say it again. really dissappointed with hall activities. just pray that next sem i don't get myself involved with it again. be it that i would be regarded as a hermit or wat. i really don't want to degrade myself and be accustomed to their lifestyle. i would rather they change themselves to suit me, which i think is better. sorry to say that, even though i have said before that everyone is different, shouldn't force them to be like you or wat. my bro told me he once experienced hall, and told me i would slowly integrate myself to it. but he didnt like it so he quitted. i don't want to just quit hall. waste all my efforts and i like the comfort of being so near to school. a terrifiying thought that i would "integrate" myself. scary.

the one with the rampage

2006-02-01T20:00:00.000+08:00

university students=pillars of the society? never i think. including me. i got alot of things to complain about the way people do their stuff. it's so disorganised, especially hall related stuff. things can be postponed without prior warning, things can be changed at the very last minute. people throw things to you, expecting you to go find out what is needed to be done. ridiculous. if you wan people to do stuff for you, please, at least you yourself know what is going on first, really make an ASS out of U and ME if u ASSUME that he or she knows. throwing responsibilites just like that. the whole jcrc is pissing me off with everything that they do. should have listen to my brother's advice, warning me about how hall activities can creep me out and dissuade him from staying last time. it's true. for example, the allocation of seminar rooms or any other rooms in particular. who is in charge of who gets the room or whatever? or people once again assume that nobody is using it for meetings and think they will get it. why can't the president do something about it? or someone? i guess in this society, it's hard for anybody to speak up for fear of rejection or embarrassment. even me. i believe this problem can be solved easily by just having someone to be in charge of all the rooms and he or she would know who had booked the room. or even better, have a online system to book the rooms, in this case there will be less conflicts.

another thing. people join jcrc sub comms to get points. what if they don't contribute or try to avoid anything that is related to it? do they still deserve the points? i don't think so. there should be some criteria before giving them the points. some people just don't deserve it.

watched i not stupid 2 and it really impressed me. this society is getting harder and saddening to live in. interpersonal communication is what people are lacking. parents and teachers scolding children and students even before finding out what is going on. never even bother to understand their plight. at least listen. is it so hard to just listen to what he or she have to say? there's nothing anyone can do about it that it's becoming saddening how this society is. generation gap? i always thought that my parents can't understand what i am thinking. but can i understand what my kids think in the future? i think only a handful can really do that. can we blame the anyone for what they have become? or should he or she reflect themselves first?

i don't think i will join anything related to jcrc next year. this year there isn't a choice. i needed the points. next year. fuck it. and i think i rather be the president in something than to be under the charge of someone. i just want to be in control.

the one with the relationship

2006-02-01T12:09:00.000+08:00

read a friend's blog. thought it was interesting in a way.

do take a step back now and then to reflect on yourself, see what have become of you, whether you have changed for the certain someone, it's great if he/she has made you change/is making you change for the better (eg. you started doing voluntary at ALL the old folks' home in singapore)... but think about it, has he/she made you change for the worse? (eg. he abuses stray animals and you follow suit, you started to knock down cats n dogs when you see them) ---- hahahaa ok these are extreme examples so as to get my point across----one should really try not to lose oneself when involved in a relationship because it will take awhile for you to find your own identity back when you come to realise that you no longer know what you like/prefer without having to start your sentence with "my boyfriend says i look ugly in pink so i stopped....... " "my girlfriend thinks that i should cut down on sports because she says that......."does your boyfriend/girlfriend defines you?it's healthy to compromise and learn to enjoy each other's hobbies/ preference, but.... do know when to let your true self stay within you

the one where i am pissed

2006-01-30T01:33:00.000+08:00

ok. want to vent my anger here again. why is it that i am 21 and i still don't enjoy the freedom or at least the trust from my mum? please don't treat me like a child anymore. show me the trust i deserved. it's really no use telling her the umpteen times i had said. what's the point? she is just 食古不化。i can never change the fact. if this carry on, she will just force me to do the things that she dislike the most. i noe that ppl will argue that parents will always treat us like we are still very young. but she is just overdoing it. it's ridiculous.

and it's not that i buy expensive stuff. the things to my liking are all just overpriced. do u expect me to buy something not to my liking and cheap? then what's the point of buying?

the one with the personality test

2006-01-25T01:18:00.000+08:00

Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Dependable, reliable and trustworthy, they like to belong to solid organisations that are reasonable in their ambitions and loyal to their employees. They feel useful when their roles and responsibilities are clearly established and they can monitor their activities and productivity in tangible ways. They tend to be rather modest, traditional and conventional, to like sensible clothing, to be thrifty, careful and wise with both money and possessions.

Once they accept a project, they will see it to the end. They manage their time well and are realistic about how much time and resources will be needed.

They tend to like to stay in one neighbourhood, often choosing to live close to where they were themselves raised. They are often involved with volunteer organisations and have a developed sense of citizenship and accountability. When they purchase something, it is after careful consideration; rarely will they buy something without having a known need or use for it. They may keep possessions for a lifetime and treasure those that were given to them.

They tend to have a good memory for specific facts that are necessary in their day-to-day life at work and at home. They accumulate facts and details to orient themselves, relying on repeated experiences that have been proven trustworthy. A fact once experienced may be the product of circumstance and happenstance; it is not in and of itself reliable. When an introverted sensing type hears an idea, they rummage through reams of archived facts to find an experience that provides information for the relevance and realism of an idea. When an introverted sensing type utters, "It's never been done!" they are saying that no information about the relevance or usefulness of the idea is available to them. They tend to shy away from surprises and what is perceived as unnecessary change.

that's me. see tally anot. you judge. lol

the one with the 感触

2006-01-23T14:12:00.000+08:00

bro left for shanghai(gip) on saturday night. relatives came to see him off too. i have always admired my bro for his carefree spirit. he was the one i looked up too at home, even in terms of fashion sense. though we seldom talk, he would speak up for me and wun question my decisions for stuff. although we weren't that close in the sense that we tell each other stuff, i gonna miss him. he will only be back in end july. it's always the case that when someone is not around then you will treasure him or her more. what have we got to do to really learn about this fact so that we can treasure everyone no matter they are around or not around.

people would never forget about their first times. i mean in terms of anything. and it's pretty hard to bring that special feelings. i miss those days in army(once again, please dun treat me as an army freak, it's just the enjoyable times that i had). friends that were so close to u can seem total strangers when u see them around. trust me, it's true. you can never bring back that period once it's over. so i guess it's to enjoy the times when you or me can. my promise to catch up with all my friends have turned futile. keep proscratinating. super bad habit of mine. when can i ever change?

the one with the lyrics: if you're gone, matchbox 20

2006-01-20T17:31:00.000+08:00

if you're gone, matchbox 20

I think I've already lost you
I think you're already gone
I think I'm finally scared now
You think I'm weak-But I think you're wrong
I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
But now I'm relaxed-I can't be sure

I think you're so mean
I think we should try
I think I could need this in my life
I think I'm just scared - I think too much
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing
If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move

If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you

I bet you're hard to get over
I bet the room just won't shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
I bet you need - more than you mind

chorus

the one with the proscrastination

2006-01-17T16:49:00.000+08:00

once again, i did it. school just started for a couple of weeks and those promises about not skipping lectures seemed not kept by me. do i want a repeat of last semester? no i don't. someone please wake me up. if not history will simply repeat itself.

i have never felt like this before. guess i have really learnt and grown. it's good and bad in both ways i think...

the one with the first post of 2006

2006-01-15T00:01:00.001+08:00

it's been so long since i logged in my last entry. i have to admit that i am too lazy to do that nowadays. perhaps it's because what i write here is gonna be read by my friends. somethings are still hard to express as usual and i don't want them to ask questions about my entries. the thought of them knowing what i am thinking is kinda scary. i will learn to open up and be more straightforward in the future..

i still don't know what is going on. i am going crazy soon. heart aches whenever that happens. it's been so long le and it's still like that. trust? i don't know.

the one where one can't turn back time

2005-12-24T02:10:00.000+08:00

once you do something wrong, it will always be hard to let others believe that you would not do it again. so a piece of advice, don't even do something wrong. if i could, i want to turn back time and did the right thing(or perhaps, shouldn't even have done that). you can say that one should learn from their mistakes, but some mistakes are hard to climb back from where you have fallen.

the one where i am totally pissed off!

2005-12-14T21:10:00.000+08:00

firstly, i would like to apologise for the following entry. forgive me if i used offensive words and language but things have really gotten on my nerves due to the recent spade of events.

first thing first. i am once again pissed off with how people can be late for basically everything. meetings, games, meal times. worse, even when one is late, he or she would still just take their own sweet time, having the mindset that the rest would be late. so what is the point of reaching there early? it's not like this back in army. if you are late, you get confined, extras. here in NTU, u are late? people don't give a freaking care of that cos they are late too. and there are no consequences too. so what's the hurry right? damn you all people out there. i hope there is some catastrophic disaster for all mankind that could change the way you guys treat time. then we will all change for the better.

next, different people got their own ways of doing things. so please don't expect others to follow your ways. advice can be listen, not necessarily taken. and please don't be over confident of yourself. there's always someone who is better than you. and don't boast of things that you are not capable to do.

the one with the responsibility

2005-12-07T22:39:00.000+08:00

what does it takes to stay in hall? to accumulate enough points so as to ensure a place in next year. and to do so, you will find yourself taking part in many hall activities, adhoc events and different sub committees. since a choice has been made to participate in all this, please do not regret or try to shun from the responsibility. as what jeffrey had told me before in army, you can ask others to help you in your work, but you can never push away the responsibility. i know it's time draining to take part in activities, but if you can handle both studies and work well, isn't that a great achievement? i do admit that i complain alot too. but who doesn't whine? so please, don't be irresponsible and say that you got your studies to handle besides all this. if that is the case, quit hall. we got our own school work to worry about too.

the one where i can't suggest a title

2005-12-05T00:41:00.000+08:00

i realised that i would be very emotional when certain news first came to me. and i would not be myself for sometime and keep thinking about it. sorry about that. i know i said it way too many times but i wish i could stop thinking or think less sometimes. it hurts a lot and drains my energy too. have always been unsure of myself and i still am. that's why i am so pessimistic.

haven't really been blogging. getting lousy and lost of topics to talk about. hope something goes buy for me to write about soon. spice things up a little too. :)

the one with the punctuality

2005-11-30T21:24:00.000+08:00

what has happened to the value of time? has people totally disregard punctuality as part of their principles? i have experienced it way too much of such situations especially when i start university life. people take it for granted that others will be late and so in the end, everyone turns up late. aren't we supposed to be the future pillars or generations of singapore? we can be late for small meetings that are held in school, what makes it so sure that we wouldn't do the same thing in the future when we are out in the working world? don't give excuses that when we go out to work, we will change because it's different outside. habits will form and it will still be the same case when we go to work. so please, stop all this nonsense and be on time, even when meeting your friends. it's a good principle to abide. i can never say that i am never late before, but at least i try to be punctual on most occasions. let's cherish the value of time once again.

the one with the wonderful evening

2005-11-26T01:53:00.000+08:00

had a wonderful dinner at savor today. tried french cuisine too. was quite nice actually. then head down to southbridge for a jazz live band where i received a wonderful and lovely surprise. can't thank her enough for everything that she did. it was the best birthday i ever had. thank you...

the one with my birthday

2005-11-25T12:26:00.000+08:00

had a really great bdae on wed. alot of my friends turn up on that day. really glad and happy too. can't thank everyone enough for turning up. it was my first time playing host to so many people. sorry if i 招待不周。hope all of my friends have fun too. i finally reached the "ripe old age" of 21. thank you all for all the lovely presents too.

the one with the first time driving

2005-11-20T05:09:00.000+08:00

first time i drove alone out to somewhere near my house for supper with my friends. i just want to prove to my parents to just place that little trust they have in me. to be confident that i can drive on my own. i hate that rubbish about needing more time for me to get used to it and not to be so anxious to drive. if i don't practice more, where is the chance at all? i think i got to stand up against them more often to have that chance. pretty ridiculous that they even trust their own children. to think that my brother was afraid to let me to do that too. always thought that they will be more liberal than my conservative parents.

got alot things that i want to do after the exams. but don't know if i got enough money to do all that. money is also under the control of them. all those savings from ns is with her. had to answer to how i spend my own money whenever i used them. really ridiculous. i wish i could have control of my own life. what an irony that i am turning 21 in less than a week.

couldn't sleep. been thinking alot. but i am really happy. :)

the one with the fashion

2005-11-18T21:56:00.000+08:00

can anyone define what is fashion? what is the correct sense of dressing? went down to town yesterday night. saw a group of young punks(as i would described) with multi-coloured spiked hair. i must really salute them for their courage to be able to even walk out of their house in that way. call me old fashioned or whatever but you would never catch me in that or what so ever. another dress sense that i detest is guys wearing jeans with slippers or sandals. what goes with jeans have to be covered shoes. that's my own opinion though.