hurts.

it really hurts. it hurts real bad in my heart. i have made her cry so badly. i am the bad guy in her eyes. but what i wanted was just for her to be happy. i know she won't be happy to be with me. i am just not the one. i've lost the zest in trying to maintain this relationship. i hate myself so much. please. now she hates me. why? i think the main reason is i keep things to myself again. there's alot that i wanted to tell her. but does it helps? i don't think it matters anymore. it sucks.